King of the Hippies

25% chance of rain looked like a good call. I mean really, when does it ever rain in the finest city in America? So you can imagine our surprise when we awoke to gray skies and drizzle on Wednesday morning. And the only thing that went through my head as I tossed on a rain jacket and hit the door....WILD CARD.

A little backstory. Jantz is the king of practice. He's the anti-Iverson. The schedule was set back in March and immediately the challenger known as The Machine began envisioning days of preperation, fine tuning his skills for the upcoming tests of manhood.

Where Jantz excels in practice and preperation, Ant excels in strategy and planning. He may not be out hitting the court practicing his free throws, but he is measuring you up, questioning your skill level and then planning on how he is going to overcome that. Call it a mental practice.

So it was no surprise when a week before SOM #6/Frisbee Golf, Jantz approached me about hitting the course for a practice round. On the same day, Ant questioned Nikki the Rat on my whereabouts and when he found out that a practice round was in session he quickly concluded that a practice round must be added to his preperation as well. Within the span of 48 hours, 50% of the man challengers had hit the course, logging much needed and extremely advantageous hours tossing what the local hippies call the "bee."

While out on the course with Ant a plan was hatched. We must keep the preperations secret. The more practice we got paired with the fact that practice had not occured to the remaining man challengers would be a huge advantage come Wednesday. If you've ever played frisbee golf then you know that just going out and throwing a frisbee a long way has nothing to do with being successful. It takes practice, a knowledge of the course and more practice to be good at frisbee golf. Time and time again on our practice rounds we watched as drunken dudes made unbelievable shots look commonplace. How did that do that? Most of them spend three to four days a week playing frisbee golf (their social lives must be riveting). One round on the course with Jantz I shot an 83; the very next day with Ant, I shoot a 79. Sloughing off 4 strokes based merely on the fact that on the second day I knew where and how to throw.

Three things you should know:

This plan was FOOLPROOF.

We could not lose.

Peter is a freak.

Come day of the competition Jantz had logged 4 rounds on the course. I had logged 2.5 (Bing and I were interupted by a phonecall from an amubulance...long story). Ant had 1 under his belt (amazingly paring the first 11 holes). Bing and Rudy and played the course before but that experience was deemed inconsequential given the fact they were plastered each time they played. Which left Peter, Mr. #1 for three weeks running. No prior experience tossing the bee around. Never played Morley Field. No way he was going to excel. No. Way.

On the first tee we could not help surpress our grins as Peter showed up (late as usual...if we were also competing in a contest of punctuality, Peter would be sitting dead last). As he stepped up to the first tee, he questioned us as to why we were laughing and after he muffed his first drive (an errant shot into a tree 10 feet away) we let him in on the joke. Our practice. His lack of preperation. The battle was on and he was standing alone with a broken sword and no armor. We had him beat. We forgot that Peter is a freak.

As we finish off the first 5th of the competion with 10 of the 50 events completed many theories and what ifs and woulda-coulda-shouldas come up. One theory is that Peter is better than the rest of us at everything. I personally hate this theory. Another theory is that certain competitors are not playing up to their potential. A theory I like one kajillion times better. For instance....Jantz shit the bed in the poker competition. Bing blew it in the bowling challenge. Rudy missed golf, which he's taking a class of right now, and choked on the free throw line. And the most recent addition to the underperfoming theory (or as I like to call it..the Vince Carter theory) is Ant faltering in his unlikely role as the favorite instead of the darkhorse and Jantz pulling a Bill Buckner and embedding his bee in a tree.

Long story short, 12 holes after we mocked Peter on the first tee, he had positioned himself in the top four, came up big with a birdie and tied a slumping Ant and Jantz on the last hole. This was the story. Me totally owning the course and the shooting a personal best 11 over par 70, 2 shots better than the nearest competitor, to win the challenge outright was not the story. The story was the freak.

In the end, Peter, Ant and Jantz played in a one hole playoff. Peter notched a par. Jantz--with his four rounds of practice, days of scouting the course, climbing trees to retrieve his GF's bee--shot a 4 and when Ant--with his personal best, ridiculous round of 63 running around in his head--clanked his par shot of the rim, our foolproof, has to work, can't lose plan failed.

Peter earned a second place finish and The Vince Carter Theory got another fabled chapter.

Final results:

1st Place.....Zach 70

2nd Place...the Freak 72 (tied) won first playoff hole

3rd Place....Jantz 72 (tied) won the 6th playoff hole

4th Place....Ant 72 (tied) lost the 6th playoff hole

5th Place....Bing 76

6th Place....Rudy 82

Another great day in the SOM,

King of the Hippies....Z$

Dirty Little Hippies

Tomorrow morning bright and early six men will throw on some birkenstocks, hemp cargo shorts and a splash of patchouli oil and dominate a sport dominated by hippies. SOM #6 is a round of frisbee golf, maybe the least manly of our man challenges. If you've never played frisbee golf it's ok. You've probably also never listened to the Dead, ate mushrooms or smoked weed out of an apple (i.e. you're probably not a dirty little hippy). Frisbee golf is a mix of skill, strategy and the ability to maintain effective hand to eye coordination after polishing off a 12 pack of natty light.

Frisbee golf is like this....

Objective #1: Get hammered (or stoned)

Objective #2: Throw frisbees at shit

That's about it. The other day while practicing in Balboa I couldn't help but think everyone on the course was less interested in tossing the "B" and more interested in trying to collectively hotbox the park. If you didn't have a drink in your hand that featured the words "Alcohol %" you were in the extreme minority. So in this vein, the sport that on the surface looks kinda hippyish and fruity is actually a very manly challenge of pushing the limits of alcohol consumption during sporting competition.

And that is why at 8:30 in the morning tomorrow, amongst dudes sporting Phish tshirts and a collective lack of knowledge of what an RBI is, you will find six men out of their element proving that a real man will dominate no matter how hippy the challenge is.

SOM #6...Frisbee Golf

Morley Field, Balboa Park

8:30 AM tee time

wash your feet

MAKE WAY FOR THE REAL MEN

I love the man challenge, don't get me wrong. I mean I started the damn thing, I should like it. But when it comes to a real man challenge, and I mean REAL, well gentlemen let me through because I've got a challenge to do tomorrow.

Little known fact: Less than 1% of the population of the world has completed a marathon.

Let that sink in for a minute.

And then let me tell you this.

I've completed 6.

Tomorrow you may find yourselves getting up, grabbing a cup of joe with the little lady, maybe walking the dog and that will be the extent of your activities in the morning. Just know that while your scratching your balls and picking up dog shit, myself and the Bing will be owning the hardest half marathon in the nation....the La Jolla Half. And we'll get this done all before you've finished your orange mocha frappaciunos.

So if you'd please be so kind as to step aside and let the real men through. We have a challenge to complete tomorrow.

Stats

So far the rundown by finishes:

Pete 3 first place, 1 fifth place and 1 sixth place
Jantz 1 first place, 1 second place, 1 fourth place, 2 fifth place
Bing 1 first place, 1 second place, 1 third place, 1 fourth, 1 DNF
Zach 2 second place, 1 third place, 1 sixth place and 1 DNF
Rudy 1 second place, 1 fourth place, 1 fifth place, and 2 DNF

Ant 3 third place, 2 fourth place

Day of Thunder GO Kart Style

When the dust settled and the stench of burning rubber cleared one stood atop a chrome podium with a single finger raised in victory and his name was Jantz.

Twenty minutes and 32 laps around a 1700 foot track was all it took. When it was all said and done Jantz ended up winning by a mere .16 of a second. But it wasn't just first and second place that were seperated by the slimmest of margins; the time between first and sixth place was a little over a second.

Miramar Speed Circuit is an indoor kart track that sits hidden between strip malls, corporate office buildings and an Air Force base. On the outside it looks like a warehouse, but upon entering one is surprised to find arcade games, concession food and a sick twisty blue and yellow ringed kart track. The pulse immediately jumps up a couple beats per minute when you get your first glimpse of the first kart racing around the track at 40 mph. And the only thing you want to do is get behind the wheel and let it ride. Unfortunately for the man challengers, that was the last thing we could do. Mr. #1 was running late and so there we sat, ansy, talking strategy and gleaning information from the practice run an employee of the racetrack was running. Finally Peter decided to grace us with his presence and the race was on.

The track is set up with two straightaways on each side of the track where you could get your kart going 30 to 40 mph or so, followed by a series of hairpin turns and s curves. The track is slick and any mistake is rewarded with a spinout. My own personal strategy was balls to wall driving, sacrificing caution for speed. If I did spinout it didn't really matter much since we were averaging our top five laps, not our overall speed from all the laps. This meant that if you hit the track as hard and as fast as you could, toeing the line between cutting corners as quickly as possible and spinning out, and you did spin out you could toss that lap out and concentrate on the laps you did finish. I think my competitors (other than jantz) were too busy focusing on not losing control that they gave up speed for safety. Only Jantz used this strategy better than I and six points were his reward.

The final standings:

Jantz drove his best on lap 26 with a time of 32.170 seconds and gained 6 points

I had my best in lap 29 with a time of 32.339 and earned 5 points

Bing jumped into third on lap 30 with a time of 32.675 giving him 4 points

Ant waited all the way until the last lap to record a 32.987 good for 3 points

Pete recorded a 33.101 in lap 31 but lost to Rudy who's best 5 laps averaged out to a fraction of a second faster than Pete's best 5 laps.

Rudy's fastest lap was 33.199, .098 slower than Peter but still good enough to slide him ahead into 5th place and 2 points.

Which left Peter with a last place finish and 1 point.

It was a great day and I look foward to getting back out onto the track again in the near future. A big thanks goes out to our official photographer Juliana Smart, who got some great photos of the race. Check them out here if you're interested...http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2478459&id=3618421&l=659571388b

NEED 4 SPEED!!!

Challenge #5 Details

The place - “Miramar Speed Circuit” indoor kart racing
The time - April 19th @ 3pm
The price - $23 for two races at 10 minutes per race
The goal - reach speeds of 40-50 mph, make hairpin turns, and leave everyone in the dust with the fastest ¼ mile lap time

Sorry Pete for right now this is the current date and time set for this event. Can it change? Yes, but I still wanted to get the info out so everyone would know the details. We will have a man meeting in the morning to discuss a possible change. No matter when we end up hitting the racetrack you ladies better bring your lead filled shoes to have a chance at beating me! Note my resume of out racing the law twice and practically living at high speeds for several years of my life on a motorcycle.

Miramar Speed Circuit
8123 Miralani Dr. San Diego, CA 92126
www.miramarspeedcircuit.com


Future info on Challenge #6 "Mini Golf" coming soon...


Jantz

Double Standards.....

Soooooooooo. . . Apparently the only way to communicate with fellow man challengers (other than at PF Bistro) is to BLOG! I sent a mass text to everyone expressing my position about this week's NASCAR challenge and got no response (except of course from the Darkhorse)- - and I'm not really sure where to start: First and foremost, the fact that we've rescheduled 25% of our challenges thus far! Yes thats right- myself, Darkhorse, and Jantz were set to undergo the basketball challenge at the "SCHEDULED" time last Sunday, but as understanding, compromising 'MEN' we rescheduled for the other guys. Not only rescheduled, but ENSURED we'd be able to play in MY SCHOOL'S facilities! For me, it was no skin off the nose, primarily because I don't live and die by the SOM calendar. Secondly, because the calendar only gives dates (NOT TIMES). And lastly, because I'd rather see all 6 men participate than anything else (even if it does mean being flexible on time!) And this is the thanks I get?
Continuing on, my ENTIRE day is not consumed tomorrow! I DID plan accordingly for the NASCAR challenge. By this I mean I have the entire evening off for as long as we want to compete (and from my calculation all challenges thus far have been in the evening). Nowhere along the line did anybody mention it was going to be at 1pm!!! So yes I am pulling the "I didn't know it was going to be during the day" card! We, in the "ninja gang", know that a shift during the day traditionally does not consume a giant portion of your time. For this reason, I do not plan on taking off every FULL DAY from work on EVERY Man Challenge day (nor do I expect any of the other men to).
Lastly, it is amazing we will be able to reschedule for a future challenge (ie Jantz academy day) with no questions asked? So where/when/who is deciding what constitutes someone's obligations excusable or not and grounds for reconfigurement of the SOM calendar? Huh commish?
In conclusion, I hope the rest of you MEN, can see the point I've long-windedly tried to convey. And I would bet Bing's supply of NO-Xplode that in the course of the next couple months, we are going to run into this problem more than a handful of times... As expected when trying to coordinate 6 men's schedules (regardless if we did sit down and set a calendar prior to kicking this off!) And like an understanding human being, I will continue to remain flexible with dates and times!
All I'm asking is to have a 'night' NASCAR race, which according to everybody at basketball last week and at work this weekend, that was okay! Even if we have to do it Tuesday (because I know I heard that idea suggested as well!) If not, I would find it hard to render the same respect down the road in return...

The Ninja Holdout

As I sit and ponder the likes of my competitors, one can't help but realize I am the odd man out of this challenge. How so you might ask? Aside from the fact that I am the only real man, I am also not part of their Secret Ninja Society. Yes. I said it. Ninja Society.

The Secret Ninja Society is known to the public as the chinese food slangin, black turtle neck wearing, lettuce wrap servers at P.F. Changs. That's right...4 of the 6 competitors are in the Secret Ninja Society open only to the highest caliber of secret sauce making, mu shu wrapping, kung pao kickin down your door "Chang Gang." This point is of the highest importance for the following reason...

My attempt to add real man challenges such as the Popular Vote, Alligator Wrestling, Cage Fighting, Modeling,Bull Riding, Base Jumping, Cliff Diving, Shark Spearing, Boar Hunting, Hottest Girlfriend Competition and being dropped off in the middle of the Coronado Island with the likes of only 1 match and a bottle of water to see who could survive the longest have ALL BEEN DENIED!

So naturally, I ask myself why. And then it hit me...

Zvirus "The Commish" Klemo, Pete "The PeeShooter" Lemke, Jason "The Broken Machine" Jantz, and Sir Matthew Bingawoman have obviously set this man challenge based on events they feel they can excel at. I tell you this not as a complaint but purely for disclosure purposes so you the people have full knowledge and understanding of the greatness I am in pursuit of. The greatest mistake these men have made thus far is letting the Darkhorse slid in by way of "Roommate Default." The truth remains I was not invited to this challenge but merely a last minute add on once I caught wind of SOM 2010 through the thin walls found at 1468 Grand.

This only means one thing and one thing only. The success of this victory will be much sweeter knowing that I beat these kids at their own game. Go run and tell the Chang Gang that the people have spoken....

The Darkhorse Will Prevail...

A Possible Date Change

Jantz may have a problem with our June 10th date (a Game of Risk and the Blindfolded Cookoff). Possible changes could be moving it to Wednesday or Tuesday of that week instead of Thursday. Jantz has fire academy that night, which we knew was a possiblity at the time of the planning, so we need to iron out a concrete change now so we can plan accordingly.

Also, Sunday night a couple of us may be hitting the links in PB at the par 3 course if you are interested. A possible twilight tee time is in the works. Bing and I are going to talk strategy about the upcoming NASCAR Monday while getting our golf game tight. Let me know if you can make it.

Daily Update: May grey seems to be creeping into April, another overcast day in PB. As of now, NASCAR Monday is set for a 1 PM start time. Rudy has been penciled in as a go....he's sacrificing his education by skipping a class to compete. A true man. And Lemke? Still absent from this blog and we can only imagine that the big goose egg in his future is causing him great turmoil. Sources say he's been seen chugging Theraflu during the day and napping, instead of working on getting his shift covered. Is this anyway for our man challenge leader to act? I think not.

Lastly, an IQ Test has been proposed as an addition to the man challenge and has been accepted by the commissioner's office. A date needs to be set for the testing. Details to follow...

Running Diary Day 20...I love Mrs. Bingaman

Friday night in PB finds me back from work and at home in my last days of recovery from the death virus...jantz says the doctors finally named it the zvirus. I look forward to this weekend and finally feeling up to heading back to the gym and focusing my attention back on besting the other challengers opposed to focusing on swallowing and not dying. Interesting news though has come across the desk of the commish recently and the effects of the death virus may be felt yet some more. Bing has been battling eerily similiar symptoms the past two days and man challenger numero uno, Lemke has also been fighting a bug. I just pray that the karma gods are not punishing them for their hand in my poisoning. With SOM #5 right around the corner, any absence due to illness would be huge (speaking from experience). An absence due to poor planning though looks to be still hindering at least half of the challengers in regards to the upcoming event. And come on Lemke, don't give us this I didn't know it was day instead of night bullshit. Jantz even wrote down AM when penciling it in to his planner. As of now, three of the six competitors are a lock for NASCAR Monday with Bing being listed as questionable, Rudy as unknown and Peter as DA (as in dumbass).
OH and DJ Darkhorse just walked in and it reminded me...HE IS RUNNING AWAY, REPEAT RUNNING AWAY, WITH THE POPULAR VOTE!!!!!! Our vote totals went up from 16 to 60 in less than 24 hours. How did this happen you ask? I have no effing idea. The Darkhorse can market it seems. And the rest of us are falling waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay behind. It is driving eyes toward our blog which is cool so I'm stoked one way or another, but come on family. If you're reading this and you are related to me, get your vote right and check the box marked Z$. Honestly though, my family is probably the least technologically advanced of all the men, I'd be lucky if they've even looked at this site.

Best thing I've heard this week though came from the Bing camp. After Bing told his mom what we were up to this summer, she remarked that it was really great and the website looked good and then she added this little nugget of goodness, "And I know who I'm rooting for..." to which Bing responded, "Aww thanks mom" to which she then said the sweetest words "....Zach" Oh how I love Mrs. Bingaman.

Official SOM Spreadsheet

The Curious Case of Z$

the ztrain ran into a bit of an obstacle but now I'm back on track and ready to roll. after long wait...here is the man resume for Zachary Charles Klemo the First

Zachary C. Klemo

Fighting Name: Z$

Loving Name: Lucky Stabone

...other alias include, but are not limited to: lippy mcgee, caz, zvirus, mr. lemke (im his soon to be stepfather...heeeey miss lemke), jerry rice's mentor, boy genius and Mr. TCU

Fighting Weight: 190 (pre virus) 180 (post virus)

Height: 6'6" give or take a couple inches

Objective: Dominate other men, Educate on how to be a better man, and Celebrate my win as Man of the Year 2010

Graduated: from the school of hard knocks

*my 40 time is so fast its in the negative numbers

*i don't do pushups, i do pushdowns. i push the world down, i don't push myself up

*jesus prays to me for advice

*i once got busy in a burger king bathroom

*ESPN was my idea

*like "the (ill working) machine" jantz, i also was in pamplona for the running of the bulls. unlike jantz, who ran from the bulls, when i attended, the bulls ran from me

*like "the pistol" who walked away from his birth and told the doctor good job, i also had an extraordinary birth, though there was no need for a doctor; they just called me up inside of the womb and asked me how I would like to proceed

*brad pitt has a poster of me on his wall

*if there were a fantasy draft for the game of life, i'd be a lock for first pick

*Man of the Year for 2010 (this hasn't happened yet, but i can see into the future and therefore can confirm the veracity of this statement)

Pete lives up to his "Pistol" nickname

the pee shooter in action

SOM #4 has come and gone and another winner emerged....a very familiar winner. The Great White Hype steps up and wins his third event, which if you're keeping count (and we are) that is three first place finishes out of four. It makes me sick. My hatred of the GWH is starting to border on that of the Lakers of the 90's and the Yankees with their ridiculous payroll. Everybody hates a winner and Pete is definately that. It can't be denied.

Tuesday night....San Dieguto Academy, six men stepped onto the court and battled in six seperate events:

Around the World

H.O.R.S.E.

Knockout

10 free throws

Free throw shooting contest a la All Star Weekend style

Pete led the way with an impressive display of shooting, catching fire and sinking the halfcourt shot on his first try. Lets just say that I had some problems with "the block" and finished second to last, barely beating Jantz with an amazing half court shot.

Knockout we played a series of five games and Pete also bested the rest of us overall. Intrigue hit when Bing's ball got stuck and he was knocked out on a questionable string of events.

Horse was won Rudy, who knocked me and Pete out with his signature kill move, a behind the back bank shot from the hated block.

Pete went 9 for 10 from the free throw line and slightly edged out Rudy who choked out 8 for 10.

And finally, with the janitor kicking us out, Pete shot the lights out and took the 3 point contest outlasting the competitors who's legs had started to give out on them.

Final tally

Pete 26

Rudy 25

Ant 16

Bing 14

Jantz 12

Zach 12...he won the tiebreaker after a shootout from the three point line. good job beating the sick guy

So Pete gets a first place and six points and leads the way overall with 20. Rudy earns a big 5 points, which he desperately needed after missing the first two challenges and still remains in last place. Ant comes up BIG and nabs 4 points and basically cements his darkhorse status climbing into second position. Bing plays himself into fourth place and gets three points. Jantz eeks out a tie with me and wins the tie and slips in a two. And me? I basically get my one point for showing up, which is one better than the zero I posted for the bowling challenge.

So after four challenges (technically 8) the standings are:

Pete 20

Ant 15

Bing 14

Jantz 12

Zach 10

Rudy 8

Pete looks pretty strong after four but before you start thinking that I'm becoming #1 fan in the Pistol Fan Club, I think the core of the story lies elsewhere. Granted Pete may be good at bowling, golfing and basketball, but I believe the competition is shitting the bed more than Pete is killing the competition. Rudy let his nerves get the best of him and went 8 for 10 shooting free throws when he routinely goes 10 for 10. He even lost to Bing in Around the World, which he reported never happened, coming in third behind Bing and Pete. Rudy didn't bring his A game and what resulted was a 6 being notched in Pete's belt. Although Pete did play his sneakers off (but come on, we were basically playing in Petedome on his home turf).

And from the sound of it (all heresay given the fact that I was dead) Bing let his nemesis booze win and tossed the game over to Pete.

When it comes to golf, Pete was hands down the best man, but I don't know if I even consider something that a 60 year old can excel at a sport...so that's a wash.

What I'm saying is that Pete is up 20 points, with three wins under his belt, but this is still anyone's game.

see you on monday for SOM #5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our new tshirts

Our tshirt design for the SOM 2010. Thanks go out to Ant's Tshirt Guy, American Apparell and the thousands of little Thai children that worked on our threads. Much love.

A Rant

Please allow me to spit on this mic for one bried second...

If you're feeling slightly thin skinned at the moment, maybe take a break from the blog, step away and come back when you're feeling a bit more manly because I've got some shit to talk.

First of all WTF!!!!!!

MONDAY GENTLEMAN. MONDAY HAS BEEN ON THE SCHEDULE FOR HOW LONG?????? HOW LONG PETER??????? I look on the schedule and lo and behold, mr i'm leading the man challenge can't get his shit together. Do you know how to request off a shift lemke? and if you do then what the hell is your problem given the fact that you are the only lame ass that is throwing a wrench in our plans for monday?

here's how it lines up right now....Bing has day off, but works night which isn't bad. Jantz oddly requested to work that night which is still ok because he's off during the day, Ant is off during the day and looks to be the tighest member of the man challenge, not missing a day and bringing it strong week in and week out, and me--of course I have the whole day off, come on really?--which leaves Rudy and Peter. Now Rudy, as much as it sucks, is going to miss more challenges. that is just going to be a fact. he was a late addition and was not around for the scheduling, not to mention that his job sucks ass, so we will do what we can. But Peter. I have a a vague recollection of you bringing a big calendar to Longboards and penciling in every single date of the summer. One of those being Monday coming up so I ask again....WTF.

This brings up a good p0int though (and one that I happen to be adamant about). This WILL NOT WORK if we do not make it a priority. We sat down before this challenge and planned for a reason. Now I now that Shit happens and schedules clash, but if you're not planning ahead then you have no excuse other than the fact that you are an idiot. So take care of your shit! Bing, we only have 5 sundays scheduled. I know you only make money on sundays at wavehouse but.....Five! If 5 sundays off all summer are going to break you than hopefully 5 zeroes won't because its one or the other. i know how much it sucks when plans don't work out and you have to miss a challenge. it really REALLY blows but if we plan ahead and make it a priority it shouldn't be a problem.

so just in case you fell down and hit your head and forgot that we already planned all this shit then here you go. Look closely...

April 19 Go Karts and Mini Golf at Boomers

April 28 Frisbee Golf at Balboa Park

May 5 Home Run Derby and Tennis tournament

May 12 Day of Arcade: Air Hockey, Skee ball, Pool, Darts, Shuffleboard, & Dance Dance Revolution

May 16 Punt Pass and Kick and Soccer Goalie Challenge

May 30 Car Push and Hot dog eating contest

June 2 100 yard dash, 50 yard dash & 1 mile run

June 10 Cook Off and Blind Taste Test followed by a game of Risk

June 13 Beer Golf

June 22 Push up, Pull up and Sit up contest and Swimming relay

June 27 Bar Golf

July 11 DOUBLE HEADER DAY...Beach Olympics: Horseshoes, Washers, & Bocci Ball during the day and Ping-Pong/Beer Pong/Flip Cup Tournament at night

July 21 The dreaded Jalapeno Eating Contest and Laser Tag

July 25 THE LAST DAY OF COMPETITION...Last Day Medley (made up of five of the best events) and the final challenge....dun dun duuuuun the CENTURY CLUB: 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes

so as of now as far as i'm concerned Monday is still on for go karting. mr. #1 better get his shit coverd because I'm pretty sure a big fat zero on his resume is not what he wants......

Ok so now that I got that out of my system, I've got to go and watch a baseball game and get paid for it. I'll post the rundown from last night's BBall festivities tonight. Let's just say, Peter is a better golfer, bowler and now basketball player than the rest of us. How is that even possible??????????

zvirus out.

Like A Thief In The Night...

Who is this mysterious man known only as DJ Darkhorse? With Man Challenge #4 officially in the books, my assessment of the competition can be summed up into one word - WEAK

My strategy thus far...fly under the radar and simply stay consistent with my game. Consistency is the key to any great man. I will say, that The Great White Hype aka Pistol Pete has come out swinging surging ahead of the pack with a whopping 20 points compared to my mere #2 position and 15 points. One thing I've noticed about this so called man, is that he either comes in first or last. This simply means that he will likely end up finishing somewhere in the middle. With a little luck, the sun, stars and moon will align and we will crown him victorious as the first loser right behind me.

You may have won the battle "PeeShooter Pete," but I promise to win the war...

So what about the other "men" you ask? Where do I start? I've heard it all...

1. "I was poisoned" - Zvirus (I think he missed on purpose to avoid complete and utter humiliation on the bowling lanes. Word has it, he's been secretly having an affair with his girlfriends dog Coda. No telling what that mangy mutt has brought in off the rat infested, garbage ridden, STD plagued alley ways of PB )

2. "Well if I wouldn't have missed any of the challenges, I'd have sooooo many more points" - Rudy & Bing (And if Drew Brees would have missed the super bowl, I bet the colts would have had a better shot at winning...com'on man! Quit making excuses and show up to the dance)

3. "Man, I've been having some really bad luck." - Jantz (Luck? Really? A wise man once told me that Luck is simply when preparation meets opportunity. I would say prepare more, but I know out of all the challengers, Jantz is "that guy" getting in as many practices before each event. Short of Zviruses poisoning and Rudy being in "Brazil," I hate to say, but Jason "The Broken Machine" Jantz would be sitting in dead last. Its not that of "luck" this competitor is in need of. He'll need a full blown miracle just to stay outta last....ouch)

So I guess the time has come for full disclosure so my competitors can fully understand what they are in for...

A picture speaks a thousand words...lets take a walk in my shoes...

Anthony James the "DJ"













Anthony James the "SuperStar"


















Anthony James the "Artist"













Anthony James the "Alligator Wrestler"














Anthony James the "Business Man"


















Anthony James the "Rock Climber"














Anthony James the "Marathon Man"














Anthony James the "SnowMan"


















Anthony James the "Intimidator"














Just another day in the life of the man known only to his competitors as...

"DJ DARKHORSE"

Good luck gentlemen...may the forces be with you.

A Nonfictional "Resume" - Humor W/O the Lies

What you are about to read is not a rendition of any kind. This will shed light on what it really takes to become a man challenger. It's not filled with funny fictional stories that we all laugh at because I actually have the qualifications to fill out a resume. I could sit here and fill in the massive gaps between manly accomplishments with cute myths like my other competitors, but there are no gaps and it's all real baby. Some might say, "Jason, it's too serious!" That's because all facts aren't always humorous, but just a true statement. If we were telling jokes I might lose, but here being funny wins you nothing. The resume will only highlight my talents that are required for the challenges due to time and space restraints.

Jason "The Machine" Jantz

123 Ur Mom is Still Here So Come Get Her Dr. Manville, CA 92108

(858) I-OWN-YOU

blowme@downstairs.com

Objective

To conquer all who stands in my way of hoisting SOM's 2010 "Man of the Year" trophy.

Man Challenger

I'm a super competitive man by nature with a refuse-to-lose attitude committed to giving it my all at every event. A very high pain threshold will allow me to push my muscles to a place beyond their normal functioning levels. My I.Q. level that hovers just below genius helps when picking up new rules, games, and sports if there are actually any that exist. Also comes in handy when figuring angles, speeds, distances, and time to achieve top performance in whatever I am attempting to master. I have endurance for the long events and speed for the short ones, just ask all the women in your life gentlemen. You would be a fool not to accept me for the 2010 Man Challenge. Haven't you heard the following saying? If you want to be the best then you must beat the best! Here is you chance clowns!!!

Qualifications

• 3 yr starter on nationally ranked rugby team - We placed 11th, 8th, and 5th in the nation! This is one of if not the roughest sport in the world and is as manly as you get.
• Skydived by myself (not tandem) - I climbed out onto an airplane wing at 2,000ft and jumped off. Talk about having nerves of steel!
• Member of 14,000 ft Club - I climbed Long's Peak (14,259ft) without ice gear and only a pair of Adidas. Not sure anyone else on this planet can claim that!
• I've out run the cops twice in my lifetime - Done it once by car and once by motorcycle. Nothing will stop me...not the law and definitely not you!
• Jumped off a crane at 15o ft in the air with only a couple of rubber bands attached to my ankles - I loved it so much I did it twice in a row for the extra rush.
• Went running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain - Not only did I run with them but when in the ring with the 1,200 lb bulls I grabbed one by the horn and we danced.
• I have eaten an entire large pizza (including crust) and 6 wings in one sitting - I might be lean but I have a HUGE appetite!
• Drinking 101 - I have completed the following challenges: Century Club, Edward Fortyhands, 4 beers in 1 bong, Jager + pickle juice chug
• Drive Motorcycles - I owned a street bike for many years and still play on dirt bikes. Whatever speed I can't reach by foot then I make up for it on machine!
• Surfed the rough waters off the black sandy coast of Piha in New Zealand - I survived due to my superior mental and physical strength.
• Placed 3rd in Planet Hollywood Casino's daily poker tournament in Las Vegas - It was not the $1,000 I won, but the validation of my card skills that gave me pride.
• Completed 3 triathlons - 1 Olympic (top 30 finish), 2 Sprints (top 30 & top 5 finish) This shows my versatility, endurance, and will to win!
• Training to become a firefighter - I'll be running into burning buildings and saving lives...enough said!

Skills

Tell me the rules to any game (sports, board, electronic, dice, video, cards, computer, etc.) and I will have an immediate impact by contending for the top spot, if not winning. It does not matter whether I've played the game before or even heard of it. All without breaking a sweat and smelling great while doing it!

What doesn't kill you

Well well well gentleman. Your masterplan to kill the strongest man in the challenge has come back to bite you in the ass. I have come through this test and have emerged on the other side stronger...if that were possible. So I hope you've been practicing your hook shots because I'm back in action. A quick recap of my week:

Monday...I mock Bing at work, tease him with my man crown and he hatches a plan to murder me. I fall ill.

Tuesday...the sickness attacks my superhuman immune system. at this point in time 99% of men would have died. I developed a soft cough. Unfortunately by nightfall, the poison has seeped into my system enough to keep me out of SOM Challenge #3 bowling.

Wednesday...Peter slips roomie Ant another lethal dose, seeing that one lethal dose was not enough, to give to me in my sleep. I awake to a mouthful of pain and slip into a coma.

Thursday....the battle inside my body resembles WWIII

Friday....I die. But death cannot stop me. Like Jesus and Tupac I arise and stories are told about me for ages to come.

Saturday....I begin to plan my comeback as the rest of the man challenge participants high five each other, thinking I'm going to miss yet another challenge

Sunday....given Bing and Rudy's amazing scheduling skills, we push back SOM #4 to Tuesday. I think they've caught on that I'm back from the dead and are actually buying more time to practice.

Monday....today I can honestly say that I feel much better. For the first time in a week, I don't feel like somebody ran me over with a large truck covered in glass and then set on fire. I look forward to tomorrow and facing my would be killers.

And that's what's been going on with me.

As I Lay Dying....

I'm pretty sure. No scracth that. I'm completely sure that what scummy little virus that attacked my body on Monday night would have killed a weaker man (i.e. that means you). It is a good thing I'm a super human man. No worries; you still have the pleasure of calling me your friend (or at least claiming it at bars to help you get laid).

a few things:

peter, well played sir. you are deserved of the man crown this week and i'm glad its you and not the rest of these ass clowns that deign to call themselves men. why this support? i can only imagine that your online profile was the only profile prepared that night. you ask one simple thing and four simple guys can't pull their shit together and grab a resume. although bing's is probably covered in jim beam and stuffed in some corner covered in cigar ash and poker chips. since i missed man challenge 2, i can't say for sure, but lack of content on this blog points to the fact that ant, rudy and jantz were all too busy fingering thier buttholes to put together a respectable man resume.

Or maybe they just don't have the qualifications to actually fill one out? Probably the better guess.

so peter, the GWH, that is number two reason why i salute you this week. Number one reason? Your mom posted on man challenge group page on facebook applying for GWH historian. and let me tell you, her casting couch session was amazing and she got the job! so congrats SON. your mom is the official GWH Historian for SOM 2010 (as well as future Mrs. Klemo).

so what happened? i'm on my deathbed. a week goes by. i fight valiantly. and finally today i'm able to raise my (perfectly shaped) head and log on to this blog and......nothing?! really? what the hell happened on tuesday night? i have two theories: a.) peter is a good bowler and hid it really well, taking bing by surprise or b.) bing's future alcoholism sabotaged him, he got drunk (odd) and shit the bed and peter took advantage of the opening. i'm leaning toward option b. and what happened to rudy? aren't you in a class rude? and lastly Jantz? Jantz! 85!!!!! my gums were bleeding and my brain was swollen causing me to hallucinate flying elephants and i could have gone out and shot better than an 85 as my two best scores. damn you virus! DAMN YOU!!!!!!!

so here i sit, finally out of bed and currently first to second to last place and you know what i think.

be afraid gentleman. be very afraid. that was your opening. Jesus poisoned me to even the odds and that is the truth. I'm on my way back. And its your ass....

85 Jantz? really???????

zvirus

The AutoBiography of The Pistol aka The Great White Hype aka Pete

Contrary to the requests of Zachary Klemo to hand deliver resumes to this evening's challenge, an author (anonymous yet close acquaintance of Pete), has put together an autobiography encompassing the mysteriously exotic life of the one they call The Great White Hype! The following material is not for everybody's eyes, so please read with discretion and understand that though this man's life is unimaginable to most, it is nonetheless the life of Peter Lemke . . .

A quarter century ago on a chilly night in a suburb just outside of Chicago, a 10lb 3oz baby opened his eyes to the world. Those in attendance that evening say his birth was anything short of a miracle! Doctors called in other doctors, nurses called in other nurses, family called family, and friends called friends, as they witnessed what no one had witnessed before - -An infant WALKING away from the delivery room on two feet!

Doctor John Doe (name remains ambiguous for obvious reasons) commented that as Peter walked out the hospital door, he looked over his shoulder at the room full of people and simply said, "Thanks Doc."

This was the first sign that The Great White Hype would take the world by storm!

Childhood was all but normal for Pete. His fearless attitude and relentless disposition proved to intimidate any man or woman he came in contact with. He would lead an abnormal routine day in and day out: Sleeping on 2x4 boards for exactly 1 hour every night. Eating 8 meals per day. Moving out of his parent's house at age 11. Being accepted into the military at age 12 only to be honorably discharged from boot camp for the safety of drill officers. Adopting hobbies such as: bull taming, coal dancing, base jumping, giraffe hunting, and bullet dodging. Yes this might seem extraordinary to the ordinary, but this is merely a scratch on the surface of the things Peter does to pass his time!

High school and college was tough for The Pistol, as he was banned from any sports for his hasty dominance and lackluster conquest of any competitors put in front of him. Pete always laughs at the claims of those like Ms. Bingawoman regarding being the alleged "Captain" of his high school sports teams. Labels like this are what Pete refers to as "cute" and "adorable"; two words in which have never been used to describe The Pistol.

Pete is currently spending this part of his life on the beaches of San Diego. He is the owner/lead professor of the growingly popular academy, "How to Be a Man". A school in which men find the true answers of what it takes to leap over the line from boyhood and courageously step into manhood. References include, but are not limited to: Debra Minchey- server/motivator at Pf Changs China Bistro, as she was quoted claiming, "I would sign my guy up for your seminars in a heartbeat!"

Scientists keep constant surveillance of The Great White Hype in anticipation of breakthrough data answering questions such as: Is immortality a reality? Are there living superheros walking the streets? What is invincibility? Can a man live more than 200 years? And despite the media's claim of a rictor-scale 7.2 earthquake this Easter Sunday, educated insiders hold confidential that the tremors were actually results from Peter's beach workout getting out of hand (something he is legally forbidden to do without proper supervision)

When confronted with the opportunity to take part in Summer of Man 2010, his reaction was, "I'm going to steal first place quicker than Zack steals lucrative tables from his co-workers sections!"

The championship mug may as well be engraved with his name now, for this man truly has the eye of a tiger, and dares any challenger to compete with his ferocity.

Good luck to the other 5, as your quest towards 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th place shall be a valiant one . . .

BREAKING NEWS...KLEMO MAY HAVE BEEN POISONED!!!!!!

In a Cliff Lee-esque turn of events, Team Klemo has suffered a major setback in his march to greatness, falling ill the night before the #3 challenge. A conspiracy to bring down the frontrunner or a terrible run of bad luck? An investigation will hopefully answer that question.

At this time Klemo is resting comfortable at home hopped up on NightQuil, Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate and a heavy dose of ABDC. He is confident that this minor bump in the road will not stop his dominance going forward.

Also Tshirts are in!!!!!!! I'll be bringing them tomorrow to the bowling competition, which will begin around 10 pm downtown at East Tavern Bowl. If you would like to meet up prior to heading downtown, we will be smashing some shrimp tacos at World Famous at 7:30.

And finally, I have come up with an idea pertaining to the SOM Champion. As of now, the winner gets A. and most importantly.) PRIDE OF KICKING EVERYONE'S ASS B.) a mug with Man of the Year 2010 etched into it C.) a tshirt bearing their name as MOY and my new idea, and tell me what you think....D.) a box of business cards that can read whatever the winner wants them to say that he can pass out for an entire year to friends, family and collegues. I think it's a fantastic idea.

Gotta go...drugs are kiking in;lkjasd;lkfjas;dlkfjasdlfk;jd

z$

A RECAP

A big three upcoming days for sporting competition. Yanks/Sox Sunday. Duke/Butler Monday. Klemo/the rest of you turds Tuesday.

Opening Day of baseball is today (officially tomorrow, but the two best teams kick off today against each other and who really cares about the other 28 teams). Opening Day ranks only behind Christmas and my birthday, which happen to fall on the same day, so technically today is my second favorite day of the year. I love opening day the way Drunk Bing loves a Taco Bell drive thru. The Final Four also wraps up on Monday which I personally despise this year for a multitude of reasons including, but not limited to: Duke in the final, Rudy winning the pool, my Kentucky pick getting bounced by the turds in WV, and the fact that a tournament called March Madness ends in April. Completely bush league.

Which brings us to Tuesday and SOM Challenge #3--Bowling. I admit, going forward with the next couple of events makes me a bit quesy. A.) I'm no bowler. B.) I haven't shot a basketball since Outkast was a relevant musical act. C.) These two activities are next. So to say the least, I'm relishing the shit out of this man crown while I have it. Upsets do occur and competitions are played out on the battlefield on not on paper, so anything can happen.

A quick recap of SOM #2

1. Bing....probably the performance of the week. In desperate need of a number one win, Bing fights off booze, distraction and my ace-7 to grab a big 6 points.

2. Z$.....loses a nailbiter to Bing, but climbs to the top of the heap with a strong second place showing and 5 points.

3. Ant...Highlighting why he's been dubbed DJ Darkhorse, Ant keeps outplaying expectations and earns 4 points with a consistent third place showing.

4. Jantz....quite possibly the biggest upset to date. Jantz came into the night as the outright favorite to win and was bounced from the game early in unexpected fashion. His 3 points barely kept him from sliding into third.

5. Peter....First to worst was the story for Pete's second competition. After dominance on the links, he was anything but on the felt. Good thing for him Rudy was absent because I have no doubt we would have seen a 1 instead of the 2 points earned (if you could call it that) Sunday night.

And last but not least. Bingaman's battle with 70 push ups was cut short with our version of a dumbass parachuting into the center of the ring during a boxing match when Molly stepped on Bing's back during his 61st pushup. A rematch is scheduled for the upcoming week. Here now is never before seen video of the event. (notice how 70 pushups began to kick bing's ass in the end)

Running Diary Day 6...

For the record, if we were to include a man challenge that consisted of endangering the life of a baby, Peter would win hands down...

Add to that face cutting, tray mismanagement, and embodying a workplace liability and he would have about wrapped up the entire contest given his performance tonight.

Onto actual man challenge matters, tshirts are lookin' gooooooooood. Hopefully we will have them by tomorrow and slack ass Rudy (conveniently hiding out in Brazil) is the only one who needs to pay. People have already been commenting on the shirts and the possibility, if a demand occurs, of selling the shirts could become a reality in the near future. Ant will have to talk to his tshirt guy and you never know, by the end of the summer, 14% of PB could be seen drunkenly walking the streets with a SOM 2010 tshirt on their back.

MAN PROFILES.

Bing and I were the only two that actually came through on Tuesday and provided a Man Resume for the rest of the group to peruse. I understand that most of you have a hard time throwing two sentences together but come on, lets get on the ball. It took Michaelangelo less time to paint the Sistine Chapel than its taken Peter to finish his profile. Get it together and bring it on Tuesday to Man Challenge #3--Bowling. We're going to post the profiles to this page so make them good.

PED's.

This just in to the commissioner's office of SOM. Performance Enhancement Drugs are no longer banned from the Man Challenge. Primary reason? We have no idea how to test Bing's urine for NO xplode. Other satisfactory PED's are (but not limited to): Andro, Creatine, snorting Pixie Stix, Red Man (a veritable must for the HR Derby), nosecandy, Adderall, Steroids, HGH, horse tranquilizers, anything you can get your hands on at the border in TJ, PCP, meth (could come in handy for arcade night at Dave and Busters), 5 hour Energy, 10 hour Energy, Redline and of course Rufinol (which when used in the drink of a fellow competitor could provide an obvious advantage on Bar Golf night). Remember gentleman, you have two kidneys, but only one liver. Use it wisely.

An idea that came to me at work tonight....but a question first? What rivalry is it that features two teams playing for the right to carry a sledgehammer as the trophy until the next year? This happens all over college football with a different "hardcore symbol of our dominance" for each game. I think in the south they may play for an actual iron skillet. Anyway, this got me to thinking (given the fact that I've been carrying around this symbolic man crown all week) that we should have some sort of talisman, if you will, that the top man of the hour gets to carry around and brandish before his opponents. It has to be something fairly small (a sledgehammer would be a pain in the ass) and something that we would want for a week. If you have any ideas, let me know.

As for now, that is all I have at this time. Man Challenge #3 is right around the corner. We will nail down specifics as it gets closer, but as of now it will be Tuesday night and I believe the venue is the East Village Tavern in downtown SD.

zMurder out.

A New Leader Emerges.

What to cover? What to cover? After taking a couple days to decompress from what can only be classified as a clusterf#% of a night of poker, I've sat down to evaluate the second of fifty competitions, and here's what I've found. In no particular order, a list of things that came out of Tuesday nights festivities.

1. Bing can handle his alcohol better than previously thought. Granted, Matt has a tendency to get completly shit faced and make a spectacle of himself. We all have met Drunk Bing and have been accosted by him. But Tuesday night, Bing overcame the stereotype of getting hammered and losing his logical thinking abilities and pulled out a huge win. After posting a zero on the first challenge of the summer, poker night was a close to a must win that you can get. Jen Hart actually picked against Bing as the favorite to win for the simple reason that she thought if alcohol was involved, Bing would be a non factor. If we can glean anything from his win on Tuesday, its this: When Bing has his mind set on something, no amount of Jim Beam or cleavage is going to get in his way. A humongous win that basically keeps him in the competition.

2. Jantz doesn't like pressure. The favorite tag was affixed atop the pointy tall shoulders of Jantz and when he was dropped second, a question arose? Was Jason an overhyped number one coming in or did he underperform at his most critical hour? For Jantz's sake hopefully it's the former and not the latter.

3. Peter held on the title of top man for a mere day. This one hurts. After Pete swept the first competition in dramatic fashion, outplaying the rest of the field by 15 strokes. A short 24 hours later, he was bumped from his number one throne by (a more deserving leader/man) me. A crown I have the honor of wearing for one week (or approximately 144 hours more than Pete). So not only was Peter's reign as top man cut short, but being the first challenger bounced out of the tourney (and early I might add), he was forced to sit around and watch the action instead of being in on the action. A bitter, bitter two points I imagine.

4. Bing can not do 70 pushups. I can type this previous sentence with as much confidence as possible. Two things we know. Bing did 61 pushups (66 if you count the ones he didn't execute properly). Molly stepped on his back at 61, thus ending the contest. Those two things are facts. What can only be speculation is that Bing was not going to make it to 70. He was fading fast. His back was sagging. His arms were trembling. And he needed 9 more. I'm of the opinion that Molly saved him rather than sabotaged him. I'm also 43% sure that there's a conspiracy theory that this was a pre-arranged sabotage. Molly was paid off to sit by the door and when it looked like he wasn't going to make it, she was supposed to make a dramatic entrance and screw him up somehow. I believe this as well as the theory that all playoff NBA games are rigged to go to 7 games for increased advertising profits and that Bigfoot lives in Wyoming under the pseudonym Tommy Tutone.

5. I can bluff my ass off. All week long, I made a valiant attempt to persuade the rest of the challengers that I was a dumbass when it came to playing poker. I did such a great job that I was regarded as a non factor in the game and by the time everyone realized that I'm the Matt Damon Rounders character of the green felted jungle, it was too late. I dropped Peter like a bad habit (which Bing was correct in his critique of this overused term; bad habits are actually very hard to drop), I enraged Jantz, outlasted Anthony and barely (ace 9 to my ace 7) lost to Bing in the end. Welcome to Poker Face 101 boys, I'm your Professor...Mr. Number One Man.

6. Look at the scoreboard.

7. Having a cocktail waitress at a private game of poker in theory is better than having a cocktail waitress at a private game of poker in reality. (especially if you have girlfriends)

I'm sure there are more things to be discussed that came out of the second challenge of the summer, but unfortunately I have to dress up like a ninja and serve asian food to fat people. On a final note, Ant has let me know that tshirts will be available possibly as soon as Friday (tomorrow). We're gonna look good at the bowling alley!

Leaderally yours,

z$