BAR GOLF: LIKE REAL GOLF BUT SLOPPIER

We should have gone to jail. That much is true. How that did not happen is a lesson in sobriety levels in PB. Lesson learned? You have to be pretty much comatose to be denied entrance into a bar in Pacific Beach, California. But if you live here than that much is already known. Ever been to Miller's Field on the weekend. I don't even think they have bouncers past 12 AM. It's pretty much a free for all. I had to cut my girlfriend off there one night because if let loose I'm sure the bar staff would have happily put her in hospital one mojito at a time. Which is why we reserved hole 18--the last hole of our bar crawl--to be played out on the beer soaked floors of Miller's. If you could make it that far than odds are you could make it in.

Making it that far proved to be the hard part.

What can I say about SOM 20---Bar Golf? It was a fantastic night replete with drunken debauchery of the highest order. Non sober fights. Check. Getting cut off. Yep. Being attacked by a cactus. You bet. Hardcore grafitti pics. No doubt.

Did I have a fantastic time? Hell yes. Do I remember alot of it? No, not really.

Who won? That was the big question coming out of the night. Everybody wanted to know how it all shook out. Alot was on the line. The Big Three were seperated by mere points. With DJ Darkhorse slipping it was looking like the winner would be decided by Jantz, Bing or myself. For the second straight competition the Darkhorse was going to have his GF fill in for him, given the fact that he was going to have to go sling some food midway through the crawl. In actuality this scenario would have worked out better given the fact that Nikki could probably drink Ant under the table given the chance. Jantz was also going to have his GF sub in for him for the front nine while he hustled back from fire academy. That left myself and the Bing, as well as neophyte contestant Sean, to try and start strong as well as finish strong. The game was kicked off at 5 PM on July 11, exactly one week after we had raged at Bing's place for the fourth of July. Our livers still in recovery mode when the first drink of the competition hit our lips. Sean and I tee'd off with a beer and a shot. Bing was nowhere to be found. Hole 2 came and went and still no Bing. The Darkhorse had decided to drink a couple beers before he left for work so that he wouldn't be too far behind, as he was planning on coming out after work to meet up.

The rules were set that each hole was a beer or a shot basically. That kept you at par. Any drink after that would knock you under par (given the strength of the drink you could go from one stroke all the way up to 4 strokes off). If you missed a hole, that would be a bogie. Miss a consecutive hole and that would double it. You miss three holes in a row, you would find yourself at +5.

Drinks varied from shots, beers, mixed drinks (vodka soda, etc) at -1 to a shot of 151 for a -4. Penalties included water hazard +1 (spilling a drink) to bitch hazards +1 (ordering water or a foo foo drink) to eating +3. You get kicked out or cut off +1.

Going into the challenge only three men (and only two actually competing) poured the first drink and toasted the first tee shot...the Darkhorse, the Bayhorse and zVirus. Sean had begged his way in as a celebrity contestant and ended up making a strong showing, besting five of the six competitors. Anthony had to leave for work so he had a beer and left. The Bingaman called in on his way back from work and took a shot via cellphone so that he wouldn't fall too behind on hole 3. When he finally showed, Sean and I were sitting strong at par and leading the rest of the idiots by a pretty big margin. Jantz was the mystery of the front nine. Originally he had planned on doing the substitute GF thing and having Jess stand in for him while he rushed home from fire academy. Four holes in and still no sign of Jess, which led us to believe one of two things. She balked on the idea of hammering down drinks with a bunch of her fiance's alcoholic friends opting instead to go shopping for shoes or something just as girl or Jantz disallowed her last minute to step in for him fearing that we would realize that his girlfriend was more of a man than he was and could drink him under the table. Either way it was a disgraceful start for the ill working Machine.

AFTER NINE HOLES

Sean leads the group with -6 and is on his way to being thoroughly shit faced

Bing after showing up late rallies and sits at -5. No food is his belly though which foreshadows major problems down the line

Zach chugs steadily along at -4 looking the soberest (if that's a word, which its not) out of the group

Ant is way behind at +24

Jantz, Pete and Rudy are all no shows and find themselves +52

Hole 10--Longboards

I can tell you honestly that the caddies were instrumental in this challenge and no caddie was better than the one and only Shitbird herself--Rachael Torresdal. From this point on everything became a blur. Sean sitting at -6 meant that he had 9 drinks for each hole plus 6 more to put him at six under. We timed each hole at the house at right around 15 minutes which meant we were looking at 15 drinks in just over 2 hours. Nothing deadly but once the drinks started checking in, we started checking out. This is when the caddies came up big. Sean's caddie Timbo was our time keeper and made sure we didn't spend too much time in each bar. Bing had Alex watching over him and given the fact that she bartended at Longboards this meant the sky was the limit when it came to what we were able to order and put down at the bar. Moves needed to be made and both Bing and I pushed forward birdying the hole while Sean stayed at even par. Do I remember what we had or what transpired at this bar? I can honestly say no.

Hole 11--Brewleys

The newest bar down in PB, it's a beer and wine Irish joint that is desperately trying to make itself look like a authentic, seedy hole in the wall bar, but comes off feeling like a green and orange hallway with barstools. I'm pretty sure we had some sort of dark beer and while Bing and I stayed at even par, Sean somehow birdied it. And then guess who finally decides to show up? That's right, the Machine and his fiance make an appearance. Jantz, dehydrated and worn out from dragging firehouses around the desert, has a couple beers and along with his gigantic oversized golf hat trims his score from +52 to +51. After this everything gets real sloppy.

Hole 12--Tavern

Being ID'd at the front this exchange happens....

Bouncer (to Bing, who has yet to have any food and his considerably drunk): Sorry pal, you're not getting in.

Me (in line next behind Bing as I'm allowed into the bar because I can handle my drink): Thanks, oh and this guy behind me (pointing at Sean) yeah he's done too.

Bouncer (to Sean): Yeah, you can't come in either.

Ha! Sean loses his mind because A.) he probably could have faked his way in, hiding his drunkeness and B.) he now gets a kick out penalty for not making in.

The greatest thing though is that he had no idea until the next day when Rach told me I did this and I told him how it all went down. Classic.

So, I start doing work inside of Tavern with Jantz going -8 and taking the lead while Bing and Sean head up to the next bar to wait falling into a tie for second place at -4.

Hole 13 Freds Mexican Cafe

When the crew reunites we find Bingaman elbows deep in a burrito plate housing down chips and salsa like he was just released from fat camp a day early. So compound the kickout penalty with a food penalty and Bingaman pretty much took himself out of the competition. Probably a good call though given the fact that he was on a fast track to detox before he ate. He fades to even and Sean stays at even par to continue on at -4. This is when the MVP of caddies comes up big. Rach slaps a chip from my hand as I drunkenly attempt to feed myself which saved me 4 strokes and then if that wasn't enough when we get cut off (which come on was just a matter of time) she goes to the other side of the bar and orders a drink for me from a cocktail waitress that was in the dark about our lack of drinking privileges. The bar manager, who had previously announced that anyone wearing golf attire was no longer allowed to drink, lost her (tiny) mind when she saw our golf gloved cladded hands gripping fresh drinks. Its safe to say we're not welcome back at Fred's anytime soon. It was during this hole that Bing disappeared and did not make a comeback until hole 16 at 710.

Hole 14 Bubs

No more Bingaman

No more Jantz

Pete and Rudy are no where to be found

But enter stage left the Darkhorse back from his job!

So amongst the peanut shells and pitchers Sean Ant and I rage on doing work. I somehow go from -8 to -10 and I can take none of the glory here. It all revolved around Rach and her dedication to me winning. Like Phil Mickleson's hot wife who supports him tournament after tournament, Rach was right by my side, making sure that I had a vodka tonic in one hand and that I finished it before time was up. I was there in body but my mind had gone on to another place hours before. Some people call it blacking out...I like to think of it as time traveling.

Hole 15 Cass Street

Along the walk somehow Houser was attacked by a stationary plant. I now it sounds impossible but a cactus jumped out of an alley, flashed Houser, called her a dirty name and then proceeded to stab her with a sharp barb. At least this is how I remember it happening. It could be possible that she drunkenly fell into a cactus but I don't know. That's sounds a little far fetched. Cass Street was the last bar that Sean made it to. The bartender actually really enjoyed our little bar crawl and this is when the girls started drinking heavily. I know this because the fantastic leaderboard that they had so meticuloulsy kept started looking like a kindergarteners scribble sheet.

Hole 16 710

The caddies are drunk! We stumble into 710 and are greeted by the reality that it is karoake night. Ant throws down a spot on rendition of Young MC's Bust a Move. And then the ladies take the stage and what follows can only be described as karoake gold. Nancy Sinatra's These Boots are Made for Walkin followed by B Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time and I can happily report that yes, we have it all on video. Every dreadful tone deaf sloppy moment of it. At this point in time, after the disappearance of Sean I am the only competitor that has had at least one drink at every hole.

Hole 17 Open Bar

We skip it. We decide instead to wander through a poorly lit alley to take graffiti pictures, pictures beside dumpsters while flexing, pictures hugging electric poles, etc. I decide it would be a good idea to lay down. I'm sure a bum had thrown up/pissed on the spot I decided to nap but that's neither here nor there.

Hole 18 Miller's

We made it! Ant, myself and the long lost Bingaman make our way upstairs, order a drink and toast the fact that nobody went to jail, died, fought, lost a limb or suffered any other life altering malady over the course of 18 holes of bar golf. Looking back on pictures that I don't remember being taken I think to myself that drunk Zach (who I lovingly refer to as Lucky Stabone) looks surprisingly good.

HOW IT ALL SHOOK OUT IN THE END

Zach -10 (28 cocktails) won the competition and was the man who successfully had a drink at every single hole

Sean +1 (22 cocktails) a strong start but it ended up coming back to bite him in the ass as he faded in the end

Bingaman +10 (22 cocktails) no food and his disappearing act put him too far back to make a push at the end

Ant +20 (8 cocktails) he did his best to finish strong coming back from +25 but the hole proved too deep

Jantz +64 (5 cocktails) weak weak weak weak...he had a sweet hat though

ARCADE NIGHT SPONSORED BY JACK AND COKE

It's 1 in the AM. I'm currently watching Commando (having just watched Dolph Lundgren's portrayal of He-Man in Masters of the Universe) and feeling pretty manly. I've finished an entire pot of coffee and I haven't had this much coffee in months, which would explain how I've rattled off six (i think?) straight blogs on the man challenge. With Arcade Night we've reached the 19th challenge in Summer of Man and have completed the entire month of June.

So far up to this point in the summer Bing was leading the men with 75 points. He had the most first place finishes, tied with Jantz at 4 and had made his move to win the summer. Jantz was in second with 73 and I was close behind with 71 points and 3 first place finishes. Ant was standing tough, but fading fast at 67 and 3 first place finishes, but his no shows were going way up. Rudy and Pete were no where to be seen at 36 and 33 respectively. Pete still had 3 first place finishes but none of them had come after the fifth week of the competition.

Arcade Night was held at Dave and Buster's and for the first time in the challenge, a female was allowed to compete. Nikki was granted the OK to substitute for Ant, who had found his schedule way fuller with a new job. We started out eating a terrible meal (if you haven't had the pleasure of dining at D&B's, don't worry, all you're missing is indigestion and over priced bar food). Our favorite menu item was Jack and Coke, which is very difficult to screw up, and in this state, we began the battle of the arcade games.

On the intinerary for the night:

Skee ball

Pop a shot

Air Hockey

Shuffle Board

All classic games. All skills that you should have in your quiver of manliness.

We hit skee ball first and Jantz made us all look foolish throwing a game winning 330. His closest comp was Nikki (surprisingly) at 230, beating both Bing and I..Bing by 10, me by 40.

Air hockey was next and by this time the whiskey had caught hold and so I must admit, it was probably not as exciting as I remember. Jantz also took first place, climbing back out of the consolation bracket after I beat him 7-6 in the first round. Nikki was the first to be bounced, losing to Bing first and then to Jantz in the consolation game. Bing lost to me 7-6 in the semifinal and then lost to Jantz on his way back through the loser's bracket 7-6. Both very close games that came down to the last point. Jantz then beat me twice to win the tourney and take top spot.

We then moved to Pop a Shot and a bit of intrigue entered the picture. I pulled short straw and went first and posted a 39. Jantz mocked this score and promptly threw up a weak 30. Bing did no better with a 21 and Nikki could have closed her eyes and did better, shooting a lackluster 11. We decided that we would shoot two rounds and take the best of the two so I thought maybe my 39 would stand given the shitty play put up by the other three in the first round. Nikki went again and only did three better with a 14, Bing shot one better for a 22 and then Jantz stepped to the line. Cocky, arrogant, shit talking Jantz. He bested his 30 by shooting the lights out and posting a 56. That meant I had to shoot now. I stepped up and began to falter. Jantz knew pretty much what I had to shoot halfway through and at one point said you can't miss from here on out.....and I didn't. Everything was falling. I was the Reggie Miller of Pop a Shot for the last minute of the game. Closer closer closer I got....until finally the buzzer sounded and the scoreboard tallied and what did it stop at? 55. One friggin' point shy of Jantz's score! Really! I'm still convinced it didn't count the last basket in that I hit before the buzzer.

The last game of the night was Shuffle Board...the truest of all the games. Being good at shuffleboard is different than being good at skee ball. It just seems more manly. Like being good at pool or chopping wood. There's an inherent manliness to dominating on the shuffleboard board. We set up another tourney bracket and realized of course, like every other man challenge that involves drinking, what should have taken us two hours to complete had taken five instead. The bar was closing and we were going to have to bust ass to finish in time. The first game was won by me, an ass whooping of Jantz 11-1, making up a little bit for the beat down at the pop a shot. Bing beat Nikki in the same fashion 11-1 and it foreshadowed a matchup of epic proportions. Ali and Frazier of the shuffleboard circuit. Nikki beat Jantz in the first loser's game barely 11-9 robbing him of all the swagger he had built up by winning everything else up to that point. Then it was on to Bing and I in a game that we decided had to be shortened to 7 instead of 11. He beat me 7-0. The matchup of the century ended up being a stinkfest. I took my beating like a man and played Nikki in the loser's bracket and won 7-3. The rematch was on. The tables were turned and I won 8-0. Bumper match. Winner take all. Now we would see the battle everyone (and by everyone I mean absolutely no one, but it feels good to write it like it matters) wanted. It went back and forth and back and forth and at one point, Bing had the knockout until I snuck my rock through and cleared his chances of scoring. In the next throw I went from being down 6-4 to winning 8-6.

When all the points were tallied, of course Jantz won. He took three of four of the competitions and posted 21 points of 24 possible. I came in second with 19, Bing in third with 17 and Nikki in last with 15. Luckily for Ant the other two no shows no showed so he got a big 3 points instead of zero because his GF manned up for him. She was in all actuality a great competitor.

The month of June was done. July was full (and I mean choked full) of challenges that revolved around drinking. Without meaning to, we had scheduled the last four events in July as back to back to back drinking challenges. Bar Golf, Beer Olympics and Century Club still remained on our schedule and with Bingaman a favorite when it came to drinking competitions, he had put himself in prime position to win the coveted first ever Summer of Man. If only Jantz or I could hold him off for a couple more challenges.

REMEMBER GYM CLASS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL? IT WAS LIKE THAT

How many push ups can you do in five minutes? What about pull ups? Sit ups? How about doing them all together? I challenge you. Do it. You'd be interested in what you find. It's alot harder than it sounds.

The rules of man challenge 18 were simple. Each man had five minutes on the clock. Pull ups were worth 3 points, push ups were worth 2 points and sit ups were 1. Do as many as you could of whatever you wanted (you had to do at least 5 of each minimum) in five minutes and in the end, the man with the most points wins. A quintessential man challenge.

We awoke early on June 22nd and met at beautiful park alongside a running trail on Mission Bay. As the sun came up we stretched and talked strategy with each other. Each man had his own idea about how to go about winning this challenge. As we waited on the Darkhorse to arrive (at this point in time it was expected that Rudy and Peter were completely beaten and out of the challenge) we received word that he was not going to make it. This would be the first of many no shows by the Darkhorse, who's will had been broken the week before in beer golf. As we looked around, only three men remained. the machine. the bing. and the zvirus. The top competitors, the cream, had risen to the top. Now the seperation would begin.

With our official time keeper Sean (the not yet named Bai Horse) looking on we drew straws and Jantz went first. His technique was to burn out on pull ups (he had the lightest weight to pull) and then add to it with sit ups and do as many push ups as his thin arms could handle. Bing went second and dove straight into his bread and butter...the pushup. He almost sabotaged himself by wearing down his arms without doing any pull ups but busted out 7 (two more than the minimum). Z$ went last and benefited from the other two not seeing his approach. Spending numerous hours in the gym had proved one thing...pushups would win the game. Sit ups were a waste as were pull ups. So after busting out the required pull ups and sit ups, Z$ went right into the push ups and never looked back. After trying different things in the gym, the realization was to do one push up, break, do another, break and so on til the time was up. The technique proved successful.

The final numbers:

Z$ 117 push ups 13 pull ups 70 sit ups for a grand total of 343 points

Bing 119 push ups 7 pull ups 76 sit ups for 335 points

Jantz 71 push ups 28 pull ups 105 sit ups for 331 points

Try it. See how you measure up

THE GREATEST DAY OF GOLF...EVER

Beer Golf (noun)

definition: the best possible way to play a round of golf.

Some people have different versions of one of the greatest drinking games of all time. This is ours.

Four men play 18 holes of golf. On every hole each man has the opportunity to shave strokes off his score. Each beer consumed is equal to one stroke off that hole. The beer has to be finished before the ball hits the bottom of the cup. At the end of the game, like any game of golf, the man with the lowest score wins.

The idea, as with all drinking games, is how well one can operate under various levels of intoxication. The better one's tolerance generally the better one is at drinking games. And what better defines a man than beating other men at a game and doing it more shit faced.

Looking back on it now, I can only say that at least we intended on being responsible. Ant only brought four beers (four!) thinking that was the best plan. I thought one beer per two holes (nine all together) was a good idea. Jantz had similiar thoughts. Bing wasn't even going to drink, given the fact that he had a closing shift to work that night after the game. This means that our intended goal for total beers imbibed by nine holes would be four and a half beers each for Jantz and I and two for Ant.

By hole three we had already hit that mark.

We hit up the beer cart girl between hole 4 and 5 because we knew we would run out of beer by hole 9. We brought a twelve pack each. At hole 6 Bing had decided that he was not going to be showing up for work that night (or ever again it turned out). With the amount of beer Bing drinks himself we knew that our already dwindling supply would not even make it to hole 9. After 9 holes the situation looked like this:

Jantz 30 with 6 beers to the dome

Bing 37 with 10 beers

Z$ 40 with 7 beers

Ant 45 with 9 beers

Yeah we were done.

With all of our beer gone, a decision had to be made. Who was making the beer run? Jantz and Bing stepped up and set off on the mile jog back to the clubhouse where hopefully they could find some libations. Ant and I settled into a bench that overlooked the beautiful Tecolate Canyon course and watched as the sun crept closer to the horizon. We had started play during twilight hours thinking that we would have no problem finishing before sundown (a full 5 hourse of play time). 32 beers later we found ourselves at the four hour mark and only 9 holes deep. If we were going to finish, our rate of play would have to increase dramatically. It would not.

Bing and Jantz made an epic return...riding on the back of a golf cart that they had tried to steal and when caught, then convinced a clubhouse attendant to drive them back to hole 9 for two beers (he turned down money in place of beer). On their return we celebrated by shotgunning a beer...naturally. Oddly enough our level of play went waaaaaay down from their. All except the Machine, who amazed us all by playing the game of his life totally and 100% shitfaced. He was basically the Tiger Woods of beer golf.

The sun let us down and hid behind the horizon right around hole 13. At hole 14 it became near impossible to play. As you can imagine, this didn't stop four drunk a holes from trying. In 9 holes Bingaman put down 10 beers. From hole 10 to 14, he had 9!!! Its safe to say this was his undoing. Ant shot 36 on the five holes after 9 before the sun went down and was safely tucked into butt naked last place. He also had to suffer the humiliation of not driving his tee shot past the ladies tee on hole 11 and playing out the rest of the hole with his pants around his ankles. Something that Bingaman also had the pleasure of enduring. Jantz Mickleson stayed strong and won with ease. Which left the Binghorse and the Zhorse to duke it out for second place. Unfortunately for Bing, the lights were on but nobody was home at this point. We decided that playing in the dark wasn't getting us anywhere so we skipped 15 through 17 and went directly to 18 for a playoff. In complete darkness we teed off (Bing actually tee'd off a beer can and almost fell over while placing his ball on top...he remembers none of this). Anti climatically we lost our balls. With no other option, we moved to the putting green and pitch and putted for the tie breaker. Bing sent his ball flying down an asphalt trail and I two putted for second place and that was how the greatest game of golf ever played went down.

In the end the stats looked like this:

Jantz 50 for 14 holes and 10 beers (alot for the lightweight)

Zach 59 and 13 beers

Bing 60 and 19 beers

Ant 81 and 11 beers

This would be the first of many drinking challenges that we had unwittingly saved for the final month of competition. These drinking games would prove to be the undoing of the Darkhorse and played a integral part in the rise to power and eventual win of the Binghorse.

next up on Summer of Man, we burn all the beer calories off by pushing, pulling and sitting our way to a win....

THE CONTROVERSIAL COOKOFF

It would come down to a definition. Specifically the definition of what exactly "Home cooked" meant. Now some would say home cooked means something that you cook yourself. Let's just say that wouldn't be Bing's definition.

Our 16th competition was penciled in back in March as simply a "cookoff." What we would be cooking or how it would be judged was something we figured we could nail down later. The week before the cookoff, as we began to iron out the details, we realized that there was a little more to than just saying we were going to have a cookoff and then doing it. In theory it seemed simple. In actuality there were alot of little things we had failed to consider. At first we contemplated each man making his "go to" dish (the deal sealer as I like to call it, as in when you have a date with a lady and you want to seal the deal, this is the dish you make) and then having a panel of judges decide which dish they like the best. The problems involved in this scenario were numerous. How to judge a lasagna against shrimp tacos? What if a judge liked Mexican and another preferred Chinese? Who's to say that wouldn't sway the voting? So we decided that it would be better if we all made the same dish...a universally recognized dish...and then had the judges decide on that. But what to make? Burgers? Tacos? Lasagna? We couldn't go with a dish that somebody already had on lock. So we decided on something that no one had ever made as well as something that could be made in a variety of ways....chili.

Each man was given these instructions:

Make a distinct pot of chili and make enough to feed five judges.

You will be judged on presentation, creativity and taste.

That's it.

In the end, our intructions proved to be too open ended.

We held the competition at Club Grand and with the help of Rach and Nikki, the stage was set for an all out reality show type of cook off, complete with a judges table, an audience and a privacy curtain hiding the competitors from the judges. Our panel consisted of five judges--three men and two women--all friends chosen for either their appetites or their critical eye for food. The men descended upon the kitchen and quickly began setting up for the battle. Space would prove to be an element of the challenge as well as timing. Loren (subbing in for an absent Rudy) was sabotaged-in his mind at least-by poor timing and not being able to get to what he needed in a busy kitchen.

The judges were given score cards with each of the categories present. Our mistake was not having a clear cut judging process. The judges were told to judge each competitor by ranking them in each category 1-5. We forgot one mainstay of cooking competitions and that was to rank taste heavier than presentation or creativity. This was just one of many of the problems we came across when it came to the judging.

The chilis were presented and Jantz went first offering up a veggie version of chili. (sidenote: Jantz should have been disqualified right then and there when he made VEGETARIAN chili for a man's challenge, but we had a very veggie tainted audience that so no problem with this so we allowed it) Z$ went second trotting out a mini bread bowl filled with exceptional chili. Bing's chili came next and was served San Francisco style in a traditional breadbowl complete with a buttered lid. Judges commented that they enjoyed the spice level of this dish. Ant blew away the judges next with his presentation, hollowing out mulit colored bell peppers with a creative take on the bread bowl idea. And finally Loren amazed the panel with his straight from the can chili served over White Castle microwaveable french fries. His fries ended up being burned in the oven and his chili had cooled to a thick paste by the time he presented it. One judge commented on how it resembled shit on a plate...and didn't taste much better.

The judges filled out their cards and the results were gathered. Bing ended up scoring the highest with Ant in second, Jantz in third (a TRAVESTY! I mean really Veggie frigging chili at a man challenge), Zach fourth and Loren's shit on a plate taking a distant last place.

And then the controversial moment of the night occurred.

Each competitor came out from behind the curtain and revealed to the judges which chili was their's. They were asked to describe how they made their chili and where their inspiration for the presentation came from. Jantz sucked up to the female judges for making a girly non meat chili which he claimed showed creativity (and a lack of male genitalia), Ant commented on how we had discussed bread bowls and did not want to do the same thing he thought I was going to do and put it in a bread bowl, which would be typical (and in the end exactly what the judge's wanted), I bitterly presented my chili as the best tasting but telling how I sabotaged myself by trying to be too cutsy with the mini bread bowls in sweet Hawaiin rolls, everyone made fun of Loren and then came time for the Bingaman to tell about his award winning chili and all the hardwork that had gone into it. After tossing around a bunch of bullshit about his grandmother's secret recipe, the truth came out that Bingaman had no idea how his chili was made. He bought it at Von's in the deli section. He did maintain that the chili was his by claiming that he added ingredients to it that made it is. Probably chopped up jalepenos and cream cheese. And so by adding a couple things to a store bought chili he was able to say that it was his own. Technically no, but the loophole did exist. We had never said you couldn't buy chili and then add to it. A quick vote was taken and the men decided that yes his hard work of putting it in **gasp** a bread bowl and then adding some things to it it kind of made it home made.

And this was how Bingaman cheated his way into a first place finish in the chili cook off. The judges felt duped, picking a store bought chili and not knowing it clashed with the idea that they had a discerning palette. And in the end after all was said and done, one thing resonated....

How could a real man be OK with winning a cooking competition by buying the dish?

Bingawoman can only answer that question.

Catching up With the SOM

When last blogged upon, the Summer of Man was in its 4th month and 15th challenge. Obviously the Summer of Man has been completed now for almost four weeks and the last thing you've read about was our hot dog eating competition on Memorial weekend. As pretty much the sole voice of this blog I can only say that once summer actually set in in San Diego, it became pretty hard to find time to sit down and write. Since the final challenge and the crowning of our champion--Sir Matthew Bingawoman--I've watched the Sox sweep the turds in Anaheim, cruised to Mexico while obliterating my liver and ran a half marathon on three hours of sleep. The last month of the competition itself almost killed most of the men given the fact that every Sunday it seemed we were heavily drinking. It has been a busy couple of months. But I'm back now and ready to start back where I left off. I'm going to try to catch up on what happened in the final months of SOM starting with SOM 15-Track Day.

Track Day was held on the beautiful campus of Point Loma Nazarene University. The track overlooked the Pacific Ocean and the view itself was enough to take your breath away. Unfortunately for the challengers, the view was not the only thing that would take our breath away. The schedule for the day was a 40 yard dash, a 100 meter sprint and a one mile run. With little time to rest in between and an overall lack of training, the events of the day were not looked upon favorably by anyone. DJ Darkhorse had a considerable mental leg up on the competition given the fact that he had at the beginning of the summer ran a 6:00 minute mile (which Nikki then proceeded to tell the rest of us about to his dismay). The rest of the field had no idea what to expect. After stretching and doing a couple warm up laps the men stepped up to the line to compete in the 40 yard dash, which would be run NFL combine style against the clock. Of course all men showed minus one. The peeshooter was no where to be found.

After running two sprints Ant proved the quickest, posting a time of 5.6. Second was Jantz at 5.71. Barely behind in third was Rudy with a 5.75. Bing posted a 5.8 for fourth and the old man Z$ came in last with a 6.1.

Quickly moving onto the track (and praying that our quads wouldn't start tightening up), the men readied for the 100 yard dash. This would be run old school style with all five competitors running against each other. To say that it was close would be an understatement. Bing edged out the comp by pushing ahead of Ant and Jantz and ran a 10.9. Just a little bit slower than Bolt's 9.58 at the Olympics. Z$ and Rudy battled for not being last and crossed the line in a virtual tie with Rudy's foot crossing at the exact same moment that Z$'s nose crossed the line.

The mile would round out the events. After running two 40 yard dashes and a 100 yard sprint basically back to back, our legs were beginning to tighten up. As we toed the line to begin our four laps around the track, we knew what was coming would not be fun. In the end, the mile proved to be slightly easier than anticipated. Rudy dropped out after the first lap as the rest of the competition tucked in behind Ant who had set the pace. Nobody wanted to push it too hard too soon and what resulted was a slower pace than anyone of us had anticipated. At the halfway point, Z$ pulled out from behind the wind screen that Bing and Ant had provided and began the push toward the finish. The rest of the competitors latched on and tried to keep up but where the old man lacked in speed, he made up in endurance. The pace proved too quick and zVirus cruised in easily in first place six seconds over six minutes. The final tally...

Z$ 6:06

Bing 6:11

Ant 6:15

Jantz 6:18

Rudy DQ

The breakdown of points left Ant in first with 15, Bing in second with 14, Jantz with 12, Zach at 11 and Rudy with 8. This day would prove to be Ant's third consecutive win and the strongest the Darkhorse would be all summer. It would not go well from here on out for the DJ.

Next up....The controversial Cookoff and Bing's Big Cheat