Poker in the front, lick her in the back...

Speaking of the poker game, man challenge numero dos, we will be commencing the competition at 8 pm. Amir is graciously offering up his place and his services. For those of you unfamiliar with Amir, he is our resident card shark, a once upon a time pit boss and can count cards better than Raymond Babbitt. Sources say the book Bringing Down the House and subsequent movie21 was actually based on him...or it could have been. He will be dealing our tournament on his custom made table with his special set of cards and chips. Basically, you don't have to do a thing but show up and get beat by me. Oh and did I mention I've lined up a cocktail waitress to serve drinks? Bring some ones. She will not be working for free.

In other news, your man resumes are due prior to the game. I've already talked to most of you about this, but we may have been a.) intoxicated b.) really intoxicated or c.) blackouted drunk when this conversation took place and so I'll repeat it here. Bring a resume that lists your qualifications of being a man. Plain and simple. Feel free to attach a head shot. We'll add this to the man file.

Also, Bingaman will be losing twenty dollars to me at the outset of the night tomorrow. Read the Pay Per View blog to catch up with the details if you have yet to do that.

And lastly Good news gentlemen. My tshirt guy fell through, but Ant came up big and contacted his tshirt guy and they will be in by Friday. Cost is going to be a mere $20 a shirt and to make it easy just bring it tomorrow to the poker game.

AND THE WINNER IS....

At approx. 3:20 pm today in a sleepy community bordering Murray Lake, four men concluded 18 holes of hard fought, sun tanned golf and crowned a winner. Peter Lemke took home top prize of Six Points and the title of Best Golfer in the first man challenge. Jason Jantz came in a distant second, nabbing Five Points by playing, in his estimation, "the worst golf game of (his) life." Yours truly came in a supremely close third, barely eeking out a one stroke win over DJ Darkhorse, Ant James who played the game of his life using only a 9 iron, PW and a putter. Turd Bingawoman was a no show and earned a big fat 0 and as well as Rudy who is probably drunk and sunburned (or as sunburned as a mexican can get) on a topless beach somewhere in southern Brazil.

You couldn't have asked for a better day. We tee'd off at 10:30 am and quickly stunk up the course on the first hole of the day--a 525 yard par 5 (no one shot better than a 6). But after shaking off the rust and first game jitters, we quickly fell into a groove despite only logging one par on the day. The tight competition paired with mom jokes and light hearted jabs at each other's manhoods contributed to pretty terrible golf being played, although Anthony was amazing for not having picked up a golf club for the better part of half a year. Peter had the longest putt of the day and given the fact that all four of our short games sucked more ass than gay guy auditioning for porn, his slightly better putting ended up being the difference in the game today. We had a couple chances at birdies but blew them like we were payed to throw the game. All in all, a great day of golf and competition, though somewhat marred by Jantz and Peter having to rush off to work immediately following the last hole. There may be the possibility of adding a second round of golf to the competition, maybe on a slow Tuesday or Wednesday that all challengers can attend, given the success of today.

So for those of you keeping track here are the numbers....

Peter-47 front 9, 49 back 9, 96-25 over par, first place........6 POINTS

Jantz-57 front 9, 53 back 9, 110-39 over par, second place...5 POINTS

Zach-55 front 9, 58 back 9, 113-42 over par, third place.......4 POINTS

Ant-59 front 9, 55 back 9, 114-43 over par, fourth place.......3 POINTS

Bing-DNP.......0 POINTS

Rudy-DNP......0 POINTS

Coming up....March 30th Texas Hold Em Tournament

The Machine

You might hear my fellow competitors say things like, “unattractive and almost girlish figure, no muscle tone, resembles a pimply freshman.” Keep talking…I want to hear it! Give me a reason to push even harder! They are counting me out before I can show my true strength. My desire to win is untouched and unmatched! This is a competition for the man who will carry himself the best through all obstacles presented before them by way of athleticism, brainpower, skill, and will. Not how much you can bench press, or curl, or squat. I’M A LEAN MEAN STRONG MACHINE! I might not win them all, but will only lose a couple, and will always be near the top of every event. Don’t you know the benefits of having a low body fat percentage? You are a quicker more agile man with better hand-eye coordination and accuracy. So have another burger, beer, and fries on me. I’ll just fly by you in every challenge and on the standings. Next thing you know there will be a trophy in my hands and unfathomable tears of sadness on your faces.

Jantz

Peter Favorite To Win Golf--DJ Ant and Bingawoman a Possible Cinderella?

Kansas upset. Syracuse upset. Kentucky upset. Lemke upset?

After a tumultous couple of weeks in March, three of four of the number one ranked teams got their asses bounced out of the tournament, falling to scrappier hungrier never-say-die teams. N. Iowa shot the lights out and showed they had marbles the size of planets, Cuse played like a mid major and Kentucky--I don't even want to talk about UK....

A theme seemed to have emerged in these last couple of weeks though and the question arises....Could we see a similiar upset in the opening weekend of the SOM? The commissioner's office has tallied the votes collected from an esteemed selection committee (aka dirtbag co-employees, i.e., one host, server, manager and bartender each day who were given a secret ballot and instructed to choose who in their best estimation would win the challenge) as well as the expert opinion of a Starbuck's barista (Me: "Of these five names, which one sounds more likely to win a round of golf? Matt, Peter, Zach, Anthony or Jason?" Starbucks barista: "Seriously? **uncomfortable pause to measure my seriousness** umm Matt I guess. Now could you please either order a latte or get out of line sir?") and my mom (who didn't even pick me so I threw out her vote because she's my biased mother) and here are the results. Feel free to fill out your own brackets on ESPN.com.

#1 Seed: Kansas......Peter with an astounding 6 out of 10 first place votes, sweeps the polls and begins the tourney as the elite powerhouse to beat. The no brainer pick but would March be as Mad if everything worked out the way it should? Looks good on paper but the game isn't played on paper.

#2 Seed: Texas....Jantz claims 2 of 10 first place votes, looks to have the talent to topple the powerhouse, at one point in time looked to be the favorite but shaky decisions such as late night range sessions and reluctance in switching Peter for a Saturday shift result in coming into the tourney as a number two. Experts in Vegas were big on this pick prior to the tourney but interest has waned considerably.

#3 Seed: Georgetown/Gonzaga.....Bing claims 1 of 10 first place votes, like the Hoyas or Zags has the name recognition (the barista picked his name) of a favorite but may be lacking this year in the talent to cut down the nets in the end. This would be the pick in a real bracket that your girlfriend makes because she's "heard of them before somewhere"

#4 Seed: Washington....Zach nabs the last 1 out of 10 first place votes, good compared to players from his same skill level (Wash-good in a weak ass Pac 10) could make a run and upset a higher team from a stronger conference. If your girlfriend were filling out this bracket, I would be the "sexy pick" for more than one reason. Zing!

#5 Seed: N. Iowa/St. Mary's/Cornell....Anthony enters the tourney as the team that nobody believed in. And like the actual MM tourney, a huge upset is possible. He comes in with nothing to lose and everything to gain and if he can play like a man possessed and Peter plays not to lose instead of to win, we could see N. Iowa taking down Kansas in our very own tourney! Only the office secretary who knows nothing, the homers from that area (Nicky) or an ESPN columnist wanting to make a crazy prediction takes this pick and when it hits everybody else wishes they had made it.

#6 Seed (aka last place): North Carolina.....Rudy. Didn't make the tourney. Playing in his own suck ass NIT in Brazil right now.

Will it be the powerhouse? A mid major? Or a Cinderella dancing in the end? One more day and we will know.

Don't you love March Madness?

z$

Manology 101

Can you believe the start of our first official S.O.M is upon us? It’s close enough we can start counting down by the hour...17! There is quite a mixture of talented individuals competing in the Man Challenge, as there should be. The age difference is pushing 8 years between youngest and eldest, height is about a 5” differential from shortest to tallest, and nearly 40 lbs (of who knows what) separates the leanest and the heaviest. That being said, these competitions were selected by a committee of gentlemen with the idea that any kind of man can prove he is capable of achieving “Man of the Year” by way of earning it. The competitors will be put through many rigorous test compiled from mostly sports, games, and extra curricular activities. These tests will require the men to be in tune with their bodies either physically, mentally, or both.

The way that I see it is there are three distinct definitions/categories of man in which we are defined. I believe that throughout the challenges the competitors shall fall into these roles as the S.O.M. unfolds over the next four months.

• Man - an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy. The competitor who fails to bring effort or much skill to a majority of the competitions. They might win a couple probably due to luck mostly, but they will be in the bottom half of nearly all challenges. They are just simply a man.
• Man’s Man - a man who exemplifies ultimate masculine qualities. This is what I hope that most, if not all, bring to every competition. This will be the men who are in a constant shuffle for placement from one challenge to the next.
• The Man - a person asserting authority or power over another or group of others. There is only room for one in this category. He will win a majority, only lose a couple, and finish in top half of nearly every challenge. He is “Man of the Year”

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!

Jantz

Running Diary Day Five

Friday has come and gone. As March Madness rolls along our version of Cornell--Jantz (tall and really white) hit the range yesterday in hopes of tweaking his crappy swing. Peter and I plan on an early morning range sesh and Bing has finally made baby steps towards actually competing this weekend, arranging an extra early morning round of golf at 6:30. He will be golfing with his brother in law who, "would never let me cheat" according to Bing. Jantz was possibly going to marshall the round in the morning but that plan was nixed given the early morning start as well as getting an unfair advantage of walking the course ahead of time. So the plans are set, the clubs are polished and the balls are clean--the golf balls at least. Its Friday night and time to relax a bit before the man challenge begins in earnest.

On a sidenote: Is it just me or will this be the best tourney ever if Kansas AND Duke got bounced out before the Elite 8 this year? Sorry Jantz, but that would be fantastic.

Pay Per View Bout Set: BINGAMAN-70 PUSH UPS deal done

By Zach Klemo --AP Wire--70 Push Ups guaranteed they would be "victorious" should they meet Matt Bingaman this spring to decide the best pound-for-pound man in terms of fitness. They also warned the public it shouldn't be surprised if they win by a landslide.

"I don't want the fans to be really shocked by what happens when we do happen to meet up because it's not going to be nothing new," 70 Push Ups said on HBO's Joe Buck Live Tuesday night at 24 Hour Fitness in Pacific Beach. "Bingaman's been beaten before and he's taken a loss before."

Asked if he was going to knock out Bingaman, 70 Push Ups said: "I'll be victorious. You can believe that."

After a late night of drinking at Longboards, negotiations on what could be the richest bout in push up history had yet to be finalized with all parties involved trying not to discuss the fact that Bing was trying to puss out and back off from his early claims of dominance over 70 Push Ups. Today, Zach Klemo, 70 Push Ups promoter, met with a rep from BINGe Drinking Promotions and negotiated the deal with the possibility of adding a third competitor...wait for it....Peter Lemke, an independent journeyman looking to make a name for himself if Bingaman fails in his attempt to overtake 70 Push Ups. 70 Push Ups seemed unfazed by the addition of a competitor this late in negotiation talks.

"I'll whip both of those white boy's asses." 70 Push Ups exclaimed at an impromptu press conference this morning.

The proposed date is March 30th, though sources, said Bingaman is pushing for a later date which experts think may point to the fact that Bingaman knows he may be in over his head. Amir's House is the potential site for Bingaman-70 Push Ups, preceding the second challenge of the SOM, a Texas Hold Em Tourney. HBO owns the rights to the bout and estimated pay per view profits look to be in the tens of dollars.

Klemo, the promoter for 70 Push Ups and engine behind the matchup, looks to be the player with the most to gain. "He'll make an expected $15-$20 dollars against Bingaman. "I just know can't nobody beat me," 70 Push Ups said. "It is what it is. For 14 days they've been trying to find a man that can beat me and they've come up short every time."

The thing is there's no pressure on 70 Push Ups. Its all in Bingaman's corner. Whether or not he is man enough to back up his talk with a substantial walk remains to be seen.

Email addresses

Can I get email addresses from everybody?

Tee Times Set

March 24.

Another day closer to the kick off of SOM and I have to be honest, I'm getting pretty excited about it. Another day also brings new information that looks to shake up the first leg of the competition. Rudy (our late addition and the jury is still out on whether he was a good addition at all) is traveling abroad to Brazil tomorrow and will be missing the first two (and possibly three) competitions. This was not as surprising as news broke that Bing will also missing the first competition as well. Rudy understandbly has been playing on trouncing around Rio in a man thong for quite some time and given the fact that we added him last minute to even things out for certain challenges, I understand his absence for the first of numerous battles. But Bing? Really? Did we not sit around a table for three hours at Longboard's setting up a schedule to avoid situations such as this one? In light of these new revelations, a couple of questions arise.

Q #1....What should the penalty be for missing a head to head challenge?

Q #2....Should a challenger be suspended for missing more than three competitions in a row?

Q#3.....Should a challenger be able to make up a missed competition?

and

Q#4....Would it be OK for you to name your unborn children after me telling them, "I named you after one of the greatest men I've ever been bested by on the battlefield back in the summer of 2010."

My opinion is Yes, Yes, No and Obviously yes.

First, I believe missing a challenge earns you a big fat 0. Ant recommended maybe negative points, which I could get behind, but I think a 0 is technically a negative 1 anyway.

Second, when I hatched this idea I envisioned a head to head battle between only two people for the same reason Biggie rapped "Mo Money Mo Problems" The more assholes you have to get together the more problems arise. Six people was a little much in my mind, but I believe we planned ahead for everything in advance to combat this problem. So on that note, absence of three straight challenges should be considered ridiculously unacceptable. That's almost a month of shit. So I believe you miss three, bye bye.

Third, question...would Shaun White be the fucking beast of a competitor that he is today on the halfpipe if he called Vancouver this year from Vail and said, "Hey something came up here in CO, I'm not going to be able to make the Olympics this month, but good news, I just completed a sick ass run and a couple of my buddies judged it and they think I got a 9.4 out of 10... so could you just pencil me in for that and send the gold medal to my mailing address. Thanks bro." The simple answer is fuck no. He's great because he shows up on game day and kicks everyone's ass. This is our Olympics. We don't mail it in. And we sure as shit don't make dates up. This isn't Chem Lab 101 and we aren't pimply freshman (although Jantz is the closest to resembling one) We should be chiseled specimens of man meat by the end of this competition because we battled head to head each week and like the gladiators of old when one man is left standing, he's standing for one reason and one reason only....because he earned it.

and lastly, Zach is a wonderful name for a son (or daughter even) and wouldn't you rather it be Zach than Peter which we all know is a slang term for dick?

These are my opinions, but I am just one (superhuman) man. What are your thoughts?

TEE TIMES

The first competition is set. We are playing Mission Trails Golf Course at 10:30 AM. Cost is a manly 43 plus a 2 dollar res. fee. We can meet up at Club Grand the morning of if you'd like to carpool over (although Jantz that makes no sense for you given the fact that the course is over by State). Lets get it on.

z$

Running Diary Day One

March 23rd.

Today is a beautiful day in Pacific Beach, the kind of day that makes you feel good to be a man. With five days til the first annual SOM kicks off, thoughts and focus turn towards the first challenge....18 holes of golf. As of today we still have no idea which course we will be playing but given the fact that we live in San Diego and we're planning on playing on a Sunday morning, it looks like not only will we have to bring our A golf game, but our wallets as well. A round of golf in SoCal on a Sunday morning runs around $55 a round (includes a cart). To save a little bit of scratch, we could play outside of SD, venturing to points north (Oceanside), east (Escondido) or somewhere off Hwy 79, but what we save in greens fees we'd be paying in gas money. We shall see.

A couple sidenotes today:

DJ ANT THE DARKHORSE AND NIKKI THE RAT

Returning from a trip to the inferior northern portion of our great state of California, Nikki (known henceforth as "Nikki the Rat") broadcast to The Fam (Club Grand roomies) that man challenge competitor Ant James "ran a 6:00 minute mile on a track" while he was up in Sactown. Obviously Ant was not happy with this disclosure given the fact that he has been the most secretive about his skill set going into the SOM. Ant was also spotted needling a drunken Bing with questions such as "How many pull ups can you do?" and "How's your push up total looking these days?" You gotta hand it to DJ Ant...he is doing his homework while playing his cards close to his chest. Time will only tell if this preparation pays off.

WHO IN THE HELL KNIGHTED BINGAMAN?

The third post of the SOM blog was penned by a mysterious character by the name of "Sir Matthew Bingaman" Now while this person seems to share the same name as SOM challenger Matt Bingaman, I know for a fact he cannot be the same person. Anyone who knows our Matt Bingaman "Bing" knows Lindsey Lohan has a better chance of regaining her virginity than Bing has of being knighted. The man we all know as the binge-drinking, pig-eating, Jager addict has a cupcake's chance in an SDSU's freshman girl's dorm of being honored as a knight. Also I know graduating from San Diego State did little to prepare you for real world challenges such as counting to six, but obviously getting off one hand was a bit difficult for you. You listed five challengers and forgot one of the man challenge participants in your descriptive post. But we can't hate on you. I'm sure your just too busy practicing for the beer chug challenge coming up in June. Keep killing those brain cells.

The sun is out. You can smell the ocean on the breeze. Quite the day to be a man.

z$

10 Reasons Madam Bingawoman Forgot To List Me As A Contestant - By Anthony James

1) My good looks, charm, and overall presence is enough to intimidate most every bingawoman I meet.
2) Last time I checked, I hit more HR's in our softball league than he did...less errors in the field as well.
3) Generally speaking, the most timid people in life will usually pretend that the biggest threats don't exist. I'm right here dawg...hear me roar
4) I currently hold the crown for our Fantasy Football League...What place did he come in?
5) Pretty sure I forgot to add him to my VIP list while I was DJ'ing at the hottest night clubs in SD...he probably got turned down at the door for using the same line all my wanna be friends use..."I'm with the DJ." I'd be a little bitter too...sorry dude
6) Before Nikki and got together, I think he was also one of the 11 dudes at P.F. Changs trying to smooth talk her...again, my game excelled in that area as well...obviously
7) I think the amount of gel he uses in his "Fohawk" has literally absorbed through his scalp affecting and killing off brain cells that help him remember.
8) I had those white vans first player.
9) I have twice as many friends on facebook than he does...simply means I twice as popular and obviously cooler than he is.
10) He has a picture of him and Zack as his default picture...not sure if that relates to the above reasons, but pretty sure it's kindda homosexual...Mancrush? How does your girlfriend like the fact that Zack makes your default pic over her? Pretty sure this is the least manly thing you can do...

Well, that sums it up for now...good day sirs =)

Sir Matthew Bingaman

Hahahhaha! This is F'in AWESOME!!!!! I, Sir Matthew Bingaman, consider myself a man of both strength and honor.. And as a MAN of both strenght and honor, as well as a competitor in this very M.A.N challenge would like to extend my sincerest Good Luck to all you washed up, has been (more like never was), school on Sundays (no class), two timin HACKS!!

I got a list.. and here is the order of my list that it's in:

1. Sir Matthew Bingaman: A well toned athletic build with sculpted muscles and pectorals that make our Governor jealous. A learned MAN with a gift of the native tongue that makes Ron Jermey take notes. A man that once swam the Entire length of Atlantic Ocean and called it a warm up lap. A man that with all his great looks, money, fame and success still has time for the LITTLE man, and will take time out of his priceless schedule to destroy, dishonor, and dis(steal there girlfriends) in the M.A.N challenge.

2. Jason Jantz: Seems fine just getting by in life with a unattractive and almost girlish figure. Jason has absolutely no muscle tone and some might say a less than average IQ. All-in-All the best thing he has going for him is that he is a Jayhawk.

3. Zachary Klemo: Zachary has traveled to many far and exotic location in his lifetime. Most would agree that the sites he has seen give him an advantage in drive, education, and life experience! However, most Doctors would agree that the STD's contracted in these exotic location will never go away and when his penis falls off it will even hinder his ability to legally compete in the M.A.N challenge.

4. Rudy Ballderomos: The most ethnic (less fortunate) "man" in this M.A.N challenge. He had a collegiate career as a point guard at MPC community college and all this was accomplished with out ever living in a house with running water, BUT you must say that these Mexicans have heart. I think that Rudy will be a great addition to the M.A.N challenge and we can all thank the Affirmative Action board for making us honest White Folk let him play with us.

5. Peter Lemke: A man trapped in a school in a school girls body. A man that strives and studies to be like Sir Matthew Bingaman, but sadly will never be MAN enough. Peter gets his jollys by coaching (watching and playing with little innocent) high school boys basketball. He enjoys the smaller THINGS in life and apparently so does his girlfriend... ZING

Well there I said it.. And now all you spectators have a clear and unbiased description of the competitors in the M.A.N challenge

Calender of Events

March 28 18 holes of Golf (a gentlemen's game)

March 30 Texas hold 'em tournament (dealt by resident card shark Amir)

April 6 Bowling

April 11 Basketball: Three point shooting contest, Free Throw, HORSE, & Knockout

April 19 Go Karts and Mini Golf at Boomers

April 28 Frisbee Golf at Balboa Park

May 5 Home Run Derby and Tennis tournament

May 12 Day of Arcade: Air Hockey, Skee ball, Pool, Darts, Shuffleboard, & Dance Dance Revolution

May 16 Punt Pass and Kick and Soccer Goalie Challenge

May 30 Car Push and Hot dog eating contest

June 2 100 yard dash, 50 yard dash & 1 mile run

June 9 Cook Off and Blind Taste Test followed by a game of Risk

June 13 Beer Golf

June 22 Push up, Pull up and Sit up contest and Swimming relay

June 27 Bar Golf

July 11 DOUBLE HEADER DAY...Beach Olympics: Horseshoes, Washers, & Bocci Ball during the day and Ping-Pong/Beer Pong/Flip Cup Tournament at night

July 21 The dreaded Jalapeno Eating Contest and Laser Tag

July 25 THE LAST DAY OF COMPETITION...Last Day Medley (made up of five of the best events) and the final challenge....dun dun duuuuun the CENTURY CLUB: 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes

Intro for the Summer of M.A.N.

Today is March 22nd in the year 2010 and in six days the Summer of M.A.N. officially begins. But what is the Summer of M.A.N. (known henceforth as SOM) you ask?

50 Events. 6 Men. 1 Summer.

Over the course of the next four testosterone fueled months, six valiant gladiators will face off in numerous competitons, ranging from the benign (18 holes of golf) to the asinine (jalepeno eating contest); from the conventional (100 yard dash) to the absurd (how far can you push your GF's car?); from silly (Dance Dance Revolution) to serious (A game of Risk).

Six men will be forced to take it to the limit and then when it all seems on the line, they will be asked to push it a little bit further. At the beginning of the challenge, six will toe the line in the race to greatness.

In the end, only ONE will stand victorious. One will persevere. One will be worthy of the name Man Of the Year 2010.

Who will it be?