BAR GOLF: LIKE REAL GOLF BUT SLOPPIER

We should have gone to jail. That much is true. How that did not happen is a lesson in sobriety levels in PB. Lesson learned? You have to be pretty much comatose to be denied entrance into a bar in Pacific Beach, California. But if you live here than that much is already known. Ever been to Miller's Field on the weekend. I don't even think they have bouncers past 12 AM. It's pretty much a free for all. I had to cut my girlfriend off there one night because if let loose I'm sure the bar staff would have happily put her in hospital one mojito at a time. Which is why we reserved hole 18--the last hole of our bar crawl--to be played out on the beer soaked floors of Miller's. If you could make it that far than odds are you could make it in.

Making it that far proved to be the hard part.

What can I say about SOM 20---Bar Golf? It was a fantastic night replete with drunken debauchery of the highest order. Non sober fights. Check. Getting cut off. Yep. Being attacked by a cactus. You bet. Hardcore grafitti pics. No doubt.

Did I have a fantastic time? Hell yes. Do I remember alot of it? No, not really.

Who won? That was the big question coming out of the night. Everybody wanted to know how it all shook out. Alot was on the line. The Big Three were seperated by mere points. With DJ Darkhorse slipping it was looking like the winner would be decided by Jantz, Bing or myself. For the second straight competition the Darkhorse was going to have his GF fill in for him, given the fact that he was going to have to go sling some food midway through the crawl. In actuality this scenario would have worked out better given the fact that Nikki could probably drink Ant under the table given the chance. Jantz was also going to have his GF sub in for him for the front nine while he hustled back from fire academy. That left myself and the Bing, as well as neophyte contestant Sean, to try and start strong as well as finish strong. The game was kicked off at 5 PM on July 11, exactly one week after we had raged at Bing's place for the fourth of July. Our livers still in recovery mode when the first drink of the competition hit our lips. Sean and I tee'd off with a beer and a shot. Bing was nowhere to be found. Hole 2 came and went and still no Bing. The Darkhorse had decided to drink a couple beers before he left for work so that he wouldn't be too far behind, as he was planning on coming out after work to meet up.

The rules were set that each hole was a beer or a shot basically. That kept you at par. Any drink after that would knock you under par (given the strength of the drink you could go from one stroke all the way up to 4 strokes off). If you missed a hole, that would be a bogie. Miss a consecutive hole and that would double it. You miss three holes in a row, you would find yourself at +5.

Drinks varied from shots, beers, mixed drinks (vodka soda, etc) at -1 to a shot of 151 for a -4. Penalties included water hazard +1 (spilling a drink) to bitch hazards +1 (ordering water or a foo foo drink) to eating +3. You get kicked out or cut off +1.

Going into the challenge only three men (and only two actually competing) poured the first drink and toasted the first tee shot...the Darkhorse, the Bayhorse and zVirus. Sean had begged his way in as a celebrity contestant and ended up making a strong showing, besting five of the six competitors. Anthony had to leave for work so he had a beer and left. The Bingaman called in on his way back from work and took a shot via cellphone so that he wouldn't fall too behind on hole 3. When he finally showed, Sean and I were sitting strong at par and leading the rest of the idiots by a pretty big margin. Jantz was the mystery of the front nine. Originally he had planned on doing the substitute GF thing and having Jess stand in for him while he rushed home from fire academy. Four holes in and still no sign of Jess, which led us to believe one of two things. She balked on the idea of hammering down drinks with a bunch of her fiance's alcoholic friends opting instead to go shopping for shoes or something just as girl or Jantz disallowed her last minute to step in for him fearing that we would realize that his girlfriend was more of a man than he was and could drink him under the table. Either way it was a disgraceful start for the ill working Machine.

AFTER NINE HOLES

Sean leads the group with -6 and is on his way to being thoroughly shit faced

Bing after showing up late rallies and sits at -5. No food is his belly though which foreshadows major problems down the line

Zach chugs steadily along at -4 looking the soberest (if that's a word, which its not) out of the group

Ant is way behind at +24

Jantz, Pete and Rudy are all no shows and find themselves +52

Hole 10--Longboards

I can tell you honestly that the caddies were instrumental in this challenge and no caddie was better than the one and only Shitbird herself--Rachael Torresdal. From this point on everything became a blur. Sean sitting at -6 meant that he had 9 drinks for each hole plus 6 more to put him at six under. We timed each hole at the house at right around 15 minutes which meant we were looking at 15 drinks in just over 2 hours. Nothing deadly but once the drinks started checking in, we started checking out. This is when the caddies came up big. Sean's caddie Timbo was our time keeper and made sure we didn't spend too much time in each bar. Bing had Alex watching over him and given the fact that she bartended at Longboards this meant the sky was the limit when it came to what we were able to order and put down at the bar. Moves needed to be made and both Bing and I pushed forward birdying the hole while Sean stayed at even par. Do I remember what we had or what transpired at this bar? I can honestly say no.

Hole 11--Brewleys

The newest bar down in PB, it's a beer and wine Irish joint that is desperately trying to make itself look like a authentic, seedy hole in the wall bar, but comes off feeling like a green and orange hallway with barstools. I'm pretty sure we had some sort of dark beer and while Bing and I stayed at even par, Sean somehow birdied it. And then guess who finally decides to show up? That's right, the Machine and his fiance make an appearance. Jantz, dehydrated and worn out from dragging firehouses around the desert, has a couple beers and along with his gigantic oversized golf hat trims his score from +52 to +51. After this everything gets real sloppy.

Hole 12--Tavern

Being ID'd at the front this exchange happens....

Bouncer (to Bing, who has yet to have any food and his considerably drunk): Sorry pal, you're not getting in.

Me (in line next behind Bing as I'm allowed into the bar because I can handle my drink): Thanks, oh and this guy behind me (pointing at Sean) yeah he's done too.

Bouncer (to Sean): Yeah, you can't come in either.

Ha! Sean loses his mind because A.) he probably could have faked his way in, hiding his drunkeness and B.) he now gets a kick out penalty for not making in.

The greatest thing though is that he had no idea until the next day when Rach told me I did this and I told him how it all went down. Classic.

So, I start doing work inside of Tavern with Jantz going -8 and taking the lead while Bing and Sean head up to the next bar to wait falling into a tie for second place at -4.

Hole 13 Freds Mexican Cafe

When the crew reunites we find Bingaman elbows deep in a burrito plate housing down chips and salsa like he was just released from fat camp a day early. So compound the kickout penalty with a food penalty and Bingaman pretty much took himself out of the competition. Probably a good call though given the fact that he was on a fast track to detox before he ate. He fades to even and Sean stays at even par to continue on at -4. This is when the MVP of caddies comes up big. Rach slaps a chip from my hand as I drunkenly attempt to feed myself which saved me 4 strokes and then if that wasn't enough when we get cut off (which come on was just a matter of time) she goes to the other side of the bar and orders a drink for me from a cocktail waitress that was in the dark about our lack of drinking privileges. The bar manager, who had previously announced that anyone wearing golf attire was no longer allowed to drink, lost her (tiny) mind when she saw our golf gloved cladded hands gripping fresh drinks. Its safe to say we're not welcome back at Fred's anytime soon. It was during this hole that Bing disappeared and did not make a comeback until hole 16 at 710.

Hole 14 Bubs

No more Bingaman

No more Jantz

Pete and Rudy are no where to be found

But enter stage left the Darkhorse back from his job!

So amongst the peanut shells and pitchers Sean Ant and I rage on doing work. I somehow go from -8 to -10 and I can take none of the glory here. It all revolved around Rach and her dedication to me winning. Like Phil Mickleson's hot wife who supports him tournament after tournament, Rach was right by my side, making sure that I had a vodka tonic in one hand and that I finished it before time was up. I was there in body but my mind had gone on to another place hours before. Some people call it blacking out...I like to think of it as time traveling.

Hole 15 Cass Street

Along the walk somehow Houser was attacked by a stationary plant. I now it sounds impossible but a cactus jumped out of an alley, flashed Houser, called her a dirty name and then proceeded to stab her with a sharp barb. At least this is how I remember it happening. It could be possible that she drunkenly fell into a cactus but I don't know. That's sounds a little far fetched. Cass Street was the last bar that Sean made it to. The bartender actually really enjoyed our little bar crawl and this is when the girls started drinking heavily. I know this because the fantastic leaderboard that they had so meticuloulsy kept started looking like a kindergarteners scribble sheet.

Hole 16 710

The caddies are drunk! We stumble into 710 and are greeted by the reality that it is karoake night. Ant throws down a spot on rendition of Young MC's Bust a Move. And then the ladies take the stage and what follows can only be described as karoake gold. Nancy Sinatra's These Boots are Made for Walkin followed by B Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time and I can happily report that yes, we have it all on video. Every dreadful tone deaf sloppy moment of it. At this point in time, after the disappearance of Sean I am the only competitor that has had at least one drink at every hole.

Hole 17 Open Bar

We skip it. We decide instead to wander through a poorly lit alley to take graffiti pictures, pictures beside dumpsters while flexing, pictures hugging electric poles, etc. I decide it would be a good idea to lay down. I'm sure a bum had thrown up/pissed on the spot I decided to nap but that's neither here nor there.

Hole 18 Miller's

We made it! Ant, myself and the long lost Bingaman make our way upstairs, order a drink and toast the fact that nobody went to jail, died, fought, lost a limb or suffered any other life altering malady over the course of 18 holes of bar golf. Looking back on pictures that I don't remember being taken I think to myself that drunk Zach (who I lovingly refer to as Lucky Stabone) looks surprisingly good.

HOW IT ALL SHOOK OUT IN THE END

Zach -10 (28 cocktails) won the competition and was the man who successfully had a drink at every single hole

Sean +1 (22 cocktails) a strong start but it ended up coming back to bite him in the ass as he faded in the end

Bingaman +10 (22 cocktails) no food and his disappearing act put him too far back to make a push at the end

Ant +20 (8 cocktails) he did his best to finish strong coming back from +25 but the hole proved too deep

Jantz +64 (5 cocktails) weak weak weak weak...he had a sweet hat though

ARCADE NIGHT SPONSORED BY JACK AND COKE

It's 1 in the AM. I'm currently watching Commando (having just watched Dolph Lundgren's portrayal of He-Man in Masters of the Universe) and feeling pretty manly. I've finished an entire pot of coffee and I haven't had this much coffee in months, which would explain how I've rattled off six (i think?) straight blogs on the man challenge. With Arcade Night we've reached the 19th challenge in Summer of Man and have completed the entire month of June.

So far up to this point in the summer Bing was leading the men with 75 points. He had the most first place finishes, tied with Jantz at 4 and had made his move to win the summer. Jantz was in second with 73 and I was close behind with 71 points and 3 first place finishes. Ant was standing tough, but fading fast at 67 and 3 first place finishes, but his no shows were going way up. Rudy and Pete were no where to be seen at 36 and 33 respectively. Pete still had 3 first place finishes but none of them had come after the fifth week of the competition.

Arcade Night was held at Dave and Buster's and for the first time in the challenge, a female was allowed to compete. Nikki was granted the OK to substitute for Ant, who had found his schedule way fuller with a new job. We started out eating a terrible meal (if you haven't had the pleasure of dining at D&B's, don't worry, all you're missing is indigestion and over priced bar food). Our favorite menu item was Jack and Coke, which is very difficult to screw up, and in this state, we began the battle of the arcade games.

On the intinerary for the night:

Skee ball

Pop a shot

Air Hockey

Shuffle Board

All classic games. All skills that you should have in your quiver of manliness.

We hit skee ball first and Jantz made us all look foolish throwing a game winning 330. His closest comp was Nikki (surprisingly) at 230, beating both Bing and I..Bing by 10, me by 40.

Air hockey was next and by this time the whiskey had caught hold and so I must admit, it was probably not as exciting as I remember. Jantz also took first place, climbing back out of the consolation bracket after I beat him 7-6 in the first round. Nikki was the first to be bounced, losing to Bing first and then to Jantz in the consolation game. Bing lost to me 7-6 in the semifinal and then lost to Jantz on his way back through the loser's bracket 7-6. Both very close games that came down to the last point. Jantz then beat me twice to win the tourney and take top spot.

We then moved to Pop a Shot and a bit of intrigue entered the picture. I pulled short straw and went first and posted a 39. Jantz mocked this score and promptly threw up a weak 30. Bing did no better with a 21 and Nikki could have closed her eyes and did better, shooting a lackluster 11. We decided that we would shoot two rounds and take the best of the two so I thought maybe my 39 would stand given the shitty play put up by the other three in the first round. Nikki went again and only did three better with a 14, Bing shot one better for a 22 and then Jantz stepped to the line. Cocky, arrogant, shit talking Jantz. He bested his 30 by shooting the lights out and posting a 56. That meant I had to shoot now. I stepped up and began to falter. Jantz knew pretty much what I had to shoot halfway through and at one point said you can't miss from here on out.....and I didn't. Everything was falling. I was the Reggie Miller of Pop a Shot for the last minute of the game. Closer closer closer I got....until finally the buzzer sounded and the scoreboard tallied and what did it stop at? 55. One friggin' point shy of Jantz's score! Really! I'm still convinced it didn't count the last basket in that I hit before the buzzer.

The last game of the night was Shuffle Board...the truest of all the games. Being good at shuffleboard is different than being good at skee ball. It just seems more manly. Like being good at pool or chopping wood. There's an inherent manliness to dominating on the shuffleboard board. We set up another tourney bracket and realized of course, like every other man challenge that involves drinking, what should have taken us two hours to complete had taken five instead. The bar was closing and we were going to have to bust ass to finish in time. The first game was won by me, an ass whooping of Jantz 11-1, making up a little bit for the beat down at the pop a shot. Bing beat Nikki in the same fashion 11-1 and it foreshadowed a matchup of epic proportions. Ali and Frazier of the shuffleboard circuit. Nikki beat Jantz in the first loser's game barely 11-9 robbing him of all the swagger he had built up by winning everything else up to that point. Then it was on to Bing and I in a game that we decided had to be shortened to 7 instead of 11. He beat me 7-0. The matchup of the century ended up being a stinkfest. I took my beating like a man and played Nikki in the loser's bracket and won 7-3. The rematch was on. The tables were turned and I won 8-0. Bumper match. Winner take all. Now we would see the battle everyone (and by everyone I mean absolutely no one, but it feels good to write it like it matters) wanted. It went back and forth and back and forth and at one point, Bing had the knockout until I snuck my rock through and cleared his chances of scoring. In the next throw I went from being down 6-4 to winning 8-6.

When all the points were tallied, of course Jantz won. He took three of four of the competitions and posted 21 points of 24 possible. I came in second with 19, Bing in third with 17 and Nikki in last with 15. Luckily for Ant the other two no shows no showed so he got a big 3 points instead of zero because his GF manned up for him. She was in all actuality a great competitor.

The month of June was done. July was full (and I mean choked full) of challenges that revolved around drinking. Without meaning to, we had scheduled the last four events in July as back to back to back drinking challenges. Bar Golf, Beer Olympics and Century Club still remained on our schedule and with Bingaman a favorite when it came to drinking competitions, he had put himself in prime position to win the coveted first ever Summer of Man. If only Jantz or I could hold him off for a couple more challenges.

REMEMBER GYM CLASS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL? IT WAS LIKE THAT

How many push ups can you do in five minutes? What about pull ups? Sit ups? How about doing them all together? I challenge you. Do it. You'd be interested in what you find. It's alot harder than it sounds.

The rules of man challenge 18 were simple. Each man had five minutes on the clock. Pull ups were worth 3 points, push ups were worth 2 points and sit ups were 1. Do as many as you could of whatever you wanted (you had to do at least 5 of each minimum) in five minutes and in the end, the man with the most points wins. A quintessential man challenge.

We awoke early on June 22nd and met at beautiful park alongside a running trail on Mission Bay. As the sun came up we stretched and talked strategy with each other. Each man had his own idea about how to go about winning this challenge. As we waited on the Darkhorse to arrive (at this point in time it was expected that Rudy and Peter were completely beaten and out of the challenge) we received word that he was not going to make it. This would be the first of many no shows by the Darkhorse, who's will had been broken the week before in beer golf. As we looked around, only three men remained. the machine. the bing. and the zvirus. The top competitors, the cream, had risen to the top. Now the seperation would begin.

With our official time keeper Sean (the not yet named Bai Horse) looking on we drew straws and Jantz went first. His technique was to burn out on pull ups (he had the lightest weight to pull) and then add to it with sit ups and do as many push ups as his thin arms could handle. Bing went second and dove straight into his bread and butter...the pushup. He almost sabotaged himself by wearing down his arms without doing any pull ups but busted out 7 (two more than the minimum). Z$ went last and benefited from the other two not seeing his approach. Spending numerous hours in the gym had proved one thing...pushups would win the game. Sit ups were a waste as were pull ups. So after busting out the required pull ups and sit ups, Z$ went right into the push ups and never looked back. After trying different things in the gym, the realization was to do one push up, break, do another, break and so on til the time was up. The technique proved successful.

The final numbers:

Z$ 117 push ups 13 pull ups 70 sit ups for a grand total of 343 points

Bing 119 push ups 7 pull ups 76 sit ups for 335 points

Jantz 71 push ups 28 pull ups 105 sit ups for 331 points

Try it. See how you measure up

THE GREATEST DAY OF GOLF...EVER

Beer Golf (noun)

definition: the best possible way to play a round of golf.

Some people have different versions of one of the greatest drinking games of all time. This is ours.

Four men play 18 holes of golf. On every hole each man has the opportunity to shave strokes off his score. Each beer consumed is equal to one stroke off that hole. The beer has to be finished before the ball hits the bottom of the cup. At the end of the game, like any game of golf, the man with the lowest score wins.

The idea, as with all drinking games, is how well one can operate under various levels of intoxication. The better one's tolerance generally the better one is at drinking games. And what better defines a man than beating other men at a game and doing it more shit faced.

Looking back on it now, I can only say that at least we intended on being responsible. Ant only brought four beers (four!) thinking that was the best plan. I thought one beer per two holes (nine all together) was a good idea. Jantz had similiar thoughts. Bing wasn't even going to drink, given the fact that he had a closing shift to work that night after the game. This means that our intended goal for total beers imbibed by nine holes would be four and a half beers each for Jantz and I and two for Ant.

By hole three we had already hit that mark.

We hit up the beer cart girl between hole 4 and 5 because we knew we would run out of beer by hole 9. We brought a twelve pack each. At hole 6 Bing had decided that he was not going to be showing up for work that night (or ever again it turned out). With the amount of beer Bing drinks himself we knew that our already dwindling supply would not even make it to hole 9. After 9 holes the situation looked like this:

Jantz 30 with 6 beers to the dome

Bing 37 with 10 beers

Z$ 40 with 7 beers

Ant 45 with 9 beers

Yeah we were done.

With all of our beer gone, a decision had to be made. Who was making the beer run? Jantz and Bing stepped up and set off on the mile jog back to the clubhouse where hopefully they could find some libations. Ant and I settled into a bench that overlooked the beautiful Tecolate Canyon course and watched as the sun crept closer to the horizon. We had started play during twilight hours thinking that we would have no problem finishing before sundown (a full 5 hourse of play time). 32 beers later we found ourselves at the four hour mark and only 9 holes deep. If we were going to finish, our rate of play would have to increase dramatically. It would not.

Bing and Jantz made an epic return...riding on the back of a golf cart that they had tried to steal and when caught, then convinced a clubhouse attendant to drive them back to hole 9 for two beers (he turned down money in place of beer). On their return we celebrated by shotgunning a beer...naturally. Oddly enough our level of play went waaaaaay down from their. All except the Machine, who amazed us all by playing the game of his life totally and 100% shitfaced. He was basically the Tiger Woods of beer golf.

The sun let us down and hid behind the horizon right around hole 13. At hole 14 it became near impossible to play. As you can imagine, this didn't stop four drunk a holes from trying. In 9 holes Bingaman put down 10 beers. From hole 10 to 14, he had 9!!! Its safe to say this was his undoing. Ant shot 36 on the five holes after 9 before the sun went down and was safely tucked into butt naked last place. He also had to suffer the humiliation of not driving his tee shot past the ladies tee on hole 11 and playing out the rest of the hole with his pants around his ankles. Something that Bingaman also had the pleasure of enduring. Jantz Mickleson stayed strong and won with ease. Which left the Binghorse and the Zhorse to duke it out for second place. Unfortunately for Bing, the lights were on but nobody was home at this point. We decided that playing in the dark wasn't getting us anywhere so we skipped 15 through 17 and went directly to 18 for a playoff. In complete darkness we teed off (Bing actually tee'd off a beer can and almost fell over while placing his ball on top...he remembers none of this). Anti climatically we lost our balls. With no other option, we moved to the putting green and pitch and putted for the tie breaker. Bing sent his ball flying down an asphalt trail and I two putted for second place and that was how the greatest game of golf ever played went down.

In the end the stats looked like this:

Jantz 50 for 14 holes and 10 beers (alot for the lightweight)

Zach 59 and 13 beers

Bing 60 and 19 beers

Ant 81 and 11 beers

This would be the first of many drinking challenges that we had unwittingly saved for the final month of competition. These drinking games would prove to be the undoing of the Darkhorse and played a integral part in the rise to power and eventual win of the Binghorse.

next up on Summer of Man, we burn all the beer calories off by pushing, pulling and sitting our way to a win....

THE CONTROVERSIAL COOKOFF

It would come down to a definition. Specifically the definition of what exactly "Home cooked" meant. Now some would say home cooked means something that you cook yourself. Let's just say that wouldn't be Bing's definition.

Our 16th competition was penciled in back in March as simply a "cookoff." What we would be cooking or how it would be judged was something we figured we could nail down later. The week before the cookoff, as we began to iron out the details, we realized that there was a little more to than just saying we were going to have a cookoff and then doing it. In theory it seemed simple. In actuality there were alot of little things we had failed to consider. At first we contemplated each man making his "go to" dish (the deal sealer as I like to call it, as in when you have a date with a lady and you want to seal the deal, this is the dish you make) and then having a panel of judges decide which dish they like the best. The problems involved in this scenario were numerous. How to judge a lasagna against shrimp tacos? What if a judge liked Mexican and another preferred Chinese? Who's to say that wouldn't sway the voting? So we decided that it would be better if we all made the same dish...a universally recognized dish...and then had the judges decide on that. But what to make? Burgers? Tacos? Lasagna? We couldn't go with a dish that somebody already had on lock. So we decided on something that no one had ever made as well as something that could be made in a variety of ways....chili.

Each man was given these instructions:

Make a distinct pot of chili and make enough to feed five judges.

You will be judged on presentation, creativity and taste.

That's it.

In the end, our intructions proved to be too open ended.

We held the competition at Club Grand and with the help of Rach and Nikki, the stage was set for an all out reality show type of cook off, complete with a judges table, an audience and a privacy curtain hiding the competitors from the judges. Our panel consisted of five judges--three men and two women--all friends chosen for either their appetites or their critical eye for food. The men descended upon the kitchen and quickly began setting up for the battle. Space would prove to be an element of the challenge as well as timing. Loren (subbing in for an absent Rudy) was sabotaged-in his mind at least-by poor timing and not being able to get to what he needed in a busy kitchen.

The judges were given score cards with each of the categories present. Our mistake was not having a clear cut judging process. The judges were told to judge each competitor by ranking them in each category 1-5. We forgot one mainstay of cooking competitions and that was to rank taste heavier than presentation or creativity. This was just one of many of the problems we came across when it came to the judging.

The chilis were presented and Jantz went first offering up a veggie version of chili. (sidenote: Jantz should have been disqualified right then and there when he made VEGETARIAN chili for a man's challenge, but we had a very veggie tainted audience that so no problem with this so we allowed it) Z$ went second trotting out a mini bread bowl filled with exceptional chili. Bing's chili came next and was served San Francisco style in a traditional breadbowl complete with a buttered lid. Judges commented that they enjoyed the spice level of this dish. Ant blew away the judges next with his presentation, hollowing out mulit colored bell peppers with a creative take on the bread bowl idea. And finally Loren amazed the panel with his straight from the can chili served over White Castle microwaveable french fries. His fries ended up being burned in the oven and his chili had cooled to a thick paste by the time he presented it. One judge commented on how it resembled shit on a plate...and didn't taste much better.

The judges filled out their cards and the results were gathered. Bing ended up scoring the highest with Ant in second, Jantz in third (a TRAVESTY! I mean really Veggie frigging chili at a man challenge), Zach fourth and Loren's shit on a plate taking a distant last place.

And then the controversial moment of the night occurred.

Each competitor came out from behind the curtain and revealed to the judges which chili was their's. They were asked to describe how they made their chili and where their inspiration for the presentation came from. Jantz sucked up to the female judges for making a girly non meat chili which he claimed showed creativity (and a lack of male genitalia), Ant commented on how we had discussed bread bowls and did not want to do the same thing he thought I was going to do and put it in a bread bowl, which would be typical (and in the end exactly what the judge's wanted), I bitterly presented my chili as the best tasting but telling how I sabotaged myself by trying to be too cutsy with the mini bread bowls in sweet Hawaiin rolls, everyone made fun of Loren and then came time for the Bingaman to tell about his award winning chili and all the hardwork that had gone into it. After tossing around a bunch of bullshit about his grandmother's secret recipe, the truth came out that Bingaman had no idea how his chili was made. He bought it at Von's in the deli section. He did maintain that the chili was his by claiming that he added ingredients to it that made it is. Probably chopped up jalepenos and cream cheese. And so by adding a couple things to a store bought chili he was able to say that it was his own. Technically no, but the loophole did exist. We had never said you couldn't buy chili and then add to it. A quick vote was taken and the men decided that yes his hard work of putting it in **gasp** a bread bowl and then adding some things to it it kind of made it home made.

And this was how Bingaman cheated his way into a first place finish in the chili cook off. The judges felt duped, picking a store bought chili and not knowing it clashed with the idea that they had a discerning palette. And in the end after all was said and done, one thing resonated....

How could a real man be OK with winning a cooking competition by buying the dish?

Bingawoman can only answer that question.

Catching up With the SOM

When last blogged upon, the Summer of Man was in its 4th month and 15th challenge. Obviously the Summer of Man has been completed now for almost four weeks and the last thing you've read about was our hot dog eating competition on Memorial weekend. As pretty much the sole voice of this blog I can only say that once summer actually set in in San Diego, it became pretty hard to find time to sit down and write. Since the final challenge and the crowning of our champion--Sir Matthew Bingawoman--I've watched the Sox sweep the turds in Anaheim, cruised to Mexico while obliterating my liver and ran a half marathon on three hours of sleep. The last month of the competition itself almost killed most of the men given the fact that every Sunday it seemed we were heavily drinking. It has been a busy couple of months. But I'm back now and ready to start back where I left off. I'm going to try to catch up on what happened in the final months of SOM starting with SOM 15-Track Day.

Track Day was held on the beautiful campus of Point Loma Nazarene University. The track overlooked the Pacific Ocean and the view itself was enough to take your breath away. Unfortunately for the challengers, the view was not the only thing that would take our breath away. The schedule for the day was a 40 yard dash, a 100 meter sprint and a one mile run. With little time to rest in between and an overall lack of training, the events of the day were not looked upon favorably by anyone. DJ Darkhorse had a considerable mental leg up on the competition given the fact that he had at the beginning of the summer ran a 6:00 minute mile (which Nikki then proceeded to tell the rest of us about to his dismay). The rest of the field had no idea what to expect. After stretching and doing a couple warm up laps the men stepped up to the line to compete in the 40 yard dash, which would be run NFL combine style against the clock. Of course all men showed minus one. The peeshooter was no where to be found.

After running two sprints Ant proved the quickest, posting a time of 5.6. Second was Jantz at 5.71. Barely behind in third was Rudy with a 5.75. Bing posted a 5.8 for fourth and the old man Z$ came in last with a 6.1.

Quickly moving onto the track (and praying that our quads wouldn't start tightening up), the men readied for the 100 yard dash. This would be run old school style with all five competitors running against each other. To say that it was close would be an understatement. Bing edged out the comp by pushing ahead of Ant and Jantz and ran a 10.9. Just a little bit slower than Bolt's 9.58 at the Olympics. Z$ and Rudy battled for not being last and crossed the line in a virtual tie with Rudy's foot crossing at the exact same moment that Z$'s nose crossed the line.

The mile would round out the events. After running two 40 yard dashes and a 100 yard sprint basically back to back, our legs were beginning to tighten up. As we toed the line to begin our four laps around the track, we knew what was coming would not be fun. In the end, the mile proved to be slightly easier than anticipated. Rudy dropped out after the first lap as the rest of the competition tucked in behind Ant who had set the pace. Nobody wanted to push it too hard too soon and what resulted was a slower pace than anyone of us had anticipated. At the halfway point, Z$ pulled out from behind the wind screen that Bing and Ant had provided and began the push toward the finish. The rest of the competitors latched on and tried to keep up but where the old man lacked in speed, he made up in endurance. The pace proved too quick and zVirus cruised in easily in first place six seconds over six minutes. The final tally...

Z$ 6:06

Bing 6:11

Ant 6:15

Jantz 6:18

Rudy DQ

The breakdown of points left Ant in first with 15, Bing in second with 14, Jantz with 12, Zach at 11 and Rudy with 8. This day would prove to be Ant's third consecutive win and the strongest the Darkhorse would be all summer. It would not go well from here on out for the DJ.

Next up....The controversial Cookoff and Bing's Big Cheat

Last Event of the Summer of Man

I don't know whether to be sad or relieved. After three months of events, SOM draws to a close. We are competing in a medley of challenges drawing from everything we've done all summer. Kicking field goals, shooting free throws, pushing cars, chugging beer. It's all going to be a part of the obtacle course. The scoring system will also be weighted slightly differently given the fact that it will be our last challenge and that it will incorporate all sorts of different events. First place will be 12 points, second place 10 and so on. Clairemont HS is the chosen battlefield and by 1 PM tomorrow we should have a pretty good feeling of who the very first Man of Summer will be. We are looking for volunteers to help out with the details (shagging balls, setting up, mocking the loser, etc.)

Afterward we are celebrating the end of the rivalry by competing in the all or nothing (six points on the table) Century Club. For those of you unfamiliar with the Club, it goes a little something like this. Every minute for one hundred minutes you drink a shot of beer. Doesn't sound too hard? It's not really the amount of beer you're drinking, but rather the consistent amount of time you're drinking. As of right now plans are to have the SOM Celebration at the official scorekeeper's pad....Sean's new spot in PB. Come and compete in the festivities or just come to watch us spiral downward into drunken debauchery. Tentative time is 6 PM tomorrow.

I look forward to seeing all of you who have supported SOM this summer.

Home Run Derby Today

Three PM today in the heart of Old Town we will begin the last chapter to the epic that has been Summer of Man. Up to this point the story has read like a classic novel...unexpected twists (the Darkhorse can compete???), the rise and fall of a villian (Pistol Pete), a love story (Jantz and himself), an unresolved conflict (Bing vs. 70 pushups) and the hero overcoming adversity to prevail in the end (me over all you turds). But how will the last chapter play out?

As of right now, the Bing (95) has a tight grip that he has yet to relinquish on the lead. Jantz sits steady in second place (93) and I stand close behind in third (90). With 12 points on the table plus the chance at more coming from the medley, which will be weighted differently for its importance as the last challenge, alot could (and will) change.

Keeping up with the novel metaphor, this summer has read like Agatha Christie's superb classic "And Then There Were None" We began with six and within a month we had trimmed the competition down to five, and then four and finally three weeks ago, only three remained. No one remained at the end of Christie's book; will we see the same result in the man challenge. Will this experience produce a winner or will we come to the end and just decide to kill each other off. Only time will tell.

gotta go. i have a home run derby to win

Running Diary...Day 112

I can't believe we've been doing this thing for 112 days. That's almost three and a half months of agonizing, gut wrenching, sweat inducing, frustration causing, friendship stressing competition. That's 40 of 50 events done. And just like the banner says that greets you upon entering this site, at the end of this all, only one man will be left standing.

One of six.

Two have already pretty much conceded the title. A third is on the verge of forfeiting his chance to be called Man of the Year 2010. With the competition in it's final weeks, three Men (the capitalization is no accident) have stayed the course. One has yet to miss a single event. One has led more weeks than any other. One has exceeded all expectations.

And yet the question is far from being answered. The question that we pondered upon entering this contest. Who is the better man? Will we come to the end of the competition with a definite answer? No. We will hem and haw and debate and make concessions as to why our name isn't on the gigantic gaudy man trophy and why someone else's is. We will argue our value as men because inherently that is what makes up a strong man...his stubborness, his refusal to be wrong, to ask for directions, to put the seat down and yes, to admit that he is a lesser man than the one sitting to his left and to his right. Which is why next summer, after we've spent a winter drinking and eating and telling stories, we will take up the challenge again. We will climb the mountain again, in hopes that given a new chance, we will somehow have found the tools we lacked previously to be the better man. To have our name etched in the history books. That is why sports are played is it not? That is at the essence of our human nature. The competition and the drive to be the best. To be the victor.

But that is a story for next year. Let us enjoy this year and this summer for what it was and what it is. With 10 events remaining, a mere week of challenges left, let us look back on what we have accomplished and be proud of it. No matter where our names fall on the list, what we have done and the experiences we have gone through together have been exciting, memorable, at times frustrating, but overall just plain downright fun. One name will be forever remembered as the first man of the year. One man will be left standing. But in the end it wouldn't have been as much fun without the five losers he beat to get there. Good luck in the final week gentleman. I admire your competitive spirits, your drive to win and the time and effort you committed to making this one helluva Summer of Man.

The Memorial Weekend Extravaganza

Two things you've probably never asked at a Memorial Day BBQ.

1. How far are you going to push that car up the alley?

2. If you throw up the hotdogs are you disqualified?

Two things you've never asked if you've never been to Club Grand that is. This past Memorial Weekend was a test of strength in more ways than one. The strength of a man's thighs as well as the strength of a man's gut.

Challenge One of the day was the much talked about Car Push. Challenge Two was a Hot Dog Eating Contest. And after competing in both I have to be honest. I can't decide which one was the harder of the two.

There's something about pushing a car that just feels manly. It's the whole damsel in distress, knight in shining armor thing that probably does it. If you find yourself pushing a car you're one of two things....an idiot or a hero. Either you forgot to gas up or you came to the aid of someone who did. So as far as man challenges go, I would rank this one in the upper echelon not only for the hero factor but also for the level of difficulty. Have you ever tried to push a car uphill? It's not that easy. Just ask Jantz.

How it went down. We lined up a 2004 VW Jetta on Bum Blvd (the alley out back of our house) and roughly 30 yards uphill we chalked a finish line. The idea was the quickest to push a car starting from a dead stop through the finish line was the winner. Sounds simple. Simple it was not. Included in the man challenge were two celebrity contestants. Sean the neophyte, who had begged his way in, was allowed to push as well as Lush, an old friend now living in San Francisco in town for the weekend. Lush drew the short straw and led off the competition. Outweighing every one of the challengers by at least 10 lbs, he looked to be the favorite to win. His 20.5 seconds was extremely impressive, although not until all challengers of the day had pushed did we realize really how impressive it was. Lush ended up winning the challenge by an entire second, with the Darkhorse coming in second (actually first among man challengers) with a time of 21.4. This would not be the last time the Darkhorse found himself at the top of the heap that day. The highlight (or lowlight depending on who you talked to) of the car push was when Jantz toed the line. For the record and in defense of the one who calls himself the Machine, he was the lightest of seven challengers and may have been the most hungover. But we've all heard the famous line, "Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got one and I think yours stinks" Jantz battled the car and the car won. Another way to say it is if you ever find yourself broken down on the side of the road, Jantz should be the last person you call. Rumor has it that Jantz's fiance' Jess was in the market for a lighter car after she witnessed her future husband's struggles at the trunk of a VW Jetta. It would be embarassing if Jantz weren't such a confident guy. He's been in the lead for a couple weeks now and has had no problem reminding us of this so when collapsed in agony halfway up the hill it was all too easy for us to mock him mercilessly.

The official times...

Lush 20.5

DJ Dark 21.4

Bing 22.9

Sean 23.0

Pete 29.0

Z$ 31.3

Jantz DNF

As we recovered from the car push with twitching thighs and heavy legs, one challenge remained. The Hot Dog Eating Contest was everything I imagined it to be and more. After a Costco run, I found myself in front of three gigantic pots of boiling water. As we poured 70 bucks worth of purchased mystery meat into the pots I was overcome with dread. Were we really going to ingest all this meat? And do it in less than 10 minutes at that? Well that was the idea. Each man had a plate full of 10 hotdogs, buns included, each and seven minutes on the clock. Most hotdogs in the belly wins. Just as a comparison, given the same amount of time the reigning champ Joey Chestnut (stage name I can only imagine) took down 54 hotdogs and took home $10,000 for his troubles. Our champ ate 7 hotdogs and earned a wicked case of heartburn. That man played his cards right all night. He convinced the rest of us that he was only going to eat one hotdog and then throw in the towel, citing a web article that insisted that eating too many hotdogs could result in death. And as the rest of us played beer pong, took shots of Svedka and routinely got drunk, the champ sat in the corner, sipped his beer and continued to play his cards close to his chest. And when we all stepped up to the plate (and the trunk) our drunken escapades caught up to us and bit us in the ass. And the champ stepped in and swept two events in one night. Who was this man? Non other than the one, the only, DJ Darkhorse. It was an impressive bit of strategy, misdirection and outright willpower and in the end it was 12 big points in the Horse's pocket.

Official hot dogs eaten...

Ant 7 (swallowed)

Bing 7 (still chewing the last one)

Z$ 6 3/4

Jantz 6 1/2

Pete 5

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

a

hole 5 feeeling friskyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

bar golffage lets do it

Bar Golf Details for Tomorrow VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

SOM #20 is here!

Tomorrow is the much anticipated Bar Golf Crawl...18 holes (bars) of pure debauchery. This is how it will go down.

Originally we were going to start the crawl off at Bing's Patriot Pad and then make our way back toward's Garnett, stopping off at Club Grand for a couple holes and finally Longboards for hole 10. This idea has been scratched for a more simplistic approach. Holes 1-9 will be at Club Grand which leaves us with a short one block walk to LB's for hole 10.

Men: Bring a handle and non light beer for holes 1-9. The golf tourney will kick off at 3 PM!!!!! We will set the time limit at 20 minutes per hole at the house, with beer pong, random games and shit talking commencing as well. At the end of the 9 holes we will make our way to the back nine which will be played out on the difficult Garnett bar course. I'm thinking that we will be hitting the bars between 6 and 7 PM.

THE SCORECARD

PARS (-1)

Non Light Beer

Shots (i.e. svedka, tequila, whiskey)

Bloody Marys

Mojitos

Highballs (i.e. rum & coke, vodka tonic)

BIRDIES (-2)

Jager Bomb

Car Bomb

Mind Eraser

Rumpies

Long Island

Grateful Dead

Sake Bomb

Goldschlager

EAGLES (-3)

Three Wise Men

Four Horse Men

Cement Mixer

Liquid Cocaine (151, Jager, Gold)

Praire Fire (Tabasco and Tequila)

Koshermeisters (Jager and Pickle Juice)

HOLE IN ONE (-4)

Shot of 151

Bar Mat Shot

THE RULES

At every hole a drink on par level must be consumed to remain EVEN. Every drink after that will then be minused from your score. For example, if you have one non light beer at the bar and then drink one more non light beer you have a score of -1, not -2. The first beer merely keeps you at even and the next drink scores you. There is no limit to the amount of drinks you can have on each hole so in theory you can have one non light beer and three Cement Mixers and be -9 after one hole. This strategy may kill you though so planning with the help of your caddie is recommended.

THE BOGIES (penalty strokes)

Each penalty commited will result in a stroke being added to your score

THROW UP +5

EATING FOOD +4

KICKED OUT OF THE BAR +2

WATER FOUL (drinking H2O) +1

P***Y FOUL (ordering a coke back for a shot or training wheels for tequila) +1

NON ALCHOLIC DRINK +1

SPILL FOUL (spill your drink or someone elses) +1

LIGHT BEER FOUL +1

**also if you spill a fellow man challengers drink, he gets the points for that drink no matter how full it was.

**for every bar that you don't have a drink in that will be counted as a bogie (+1) so if you are denied entrance into a bar on the course WE WILL NOT BE CHANGING TO ANOTHER BAR AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN A +1. Missing consecutive bars results in the score doubling for every bar (i.e. first bar missed +1, second bar +2, third bar +3...you miss three bars in row you will have +6 added to your score and so on). So, don't black out, pass out or bitch out before hole 18 because it will be the end of your chances for man glory on the Bar Golf Course.

Football Challenge Update

After long last here are the football and soccer challenge scores. We based our challenge after the Punt Pass and Kick Competition made famous by the NFL All Star Weekend Halftime show. I was going to post a link showing how we matched up to our 12 year old counterparts but they measured everything in feet and I'm lazy right now and didn't feel like converting it to yards and I also didn't want to find out that some little twerp owned us. The Man Challengers met up early in the morning at the OB fields so that the weak ass frosted flake could make it before work and **gasp** he didn't make it, deciding to sleep in instead. The 8 AM start time could be pointed to as the reason for our uncharacterstic weak performances. Although when it comes down to it, kicking a field is alot harder than it looks. Don't believe me? Go out and try it. Jantz with his long ass legs ended up winning the FG portion of our challenge, but as a group we were pretty bad as a whole. I have a newfound respect for NFL kickers after this challenge. Jantz's kick I would guess was maybe a 30 yarder and was the long kick of the day. Rudy and I both tried and failed at that distance and moved five yards (and then another 5 yards) closer, until Rudy finally kicked one through the uprights and I shanked mine. Ant hit at that distance as well, but had already used his one mulligan and came in fourth with Bing being the weakest link and from what I remember, not even being able to get the kick up in the air.

The second challenge was the punt which was dismal to say the least. We each had three kicks and we'd be taking our best kick out of those three. Ant started out and he felt that he didn't get his best kick in and ended up rolling his best maybe 40 yards or so. I went second and also rolled one up the field past Ant's best but still nothing spectacular. Rudy ended up getting a couple better kicks off as well as Bing but Jantz's long legs prevailed again (as well as his shoe change). Sidenote: Jantz brought five or so pairs of shoes, changing each time from challenge to challenge. We mocked him mercilessly, but it may actually have worked given his success.

The third challenge was Passing Accuracy which technically wasn't part of the initial challenge but was added last minute so that everything wasn't based on strength, but also on a little bit of touch. We stood 15 yards apart and threw from a flat footed stance. A shot to the chest was worth a point and a head shot was worth two. You had ten throws and most points won. Ant took first with a 14, I came in second with 13 and the rest of the turds were less than that. I don't really remember and Bing lost the scorecard so who really knows the actual scores.

The last challenge was the long throw which we decided was a mix of strength (how far) and accuracy (had to be between the uprights). Each challenger had one mulligan and we started out at the twenty yard line and moved back five yards after every successful throw. Rudy won the challenge throwing all the way back on maybe the 40 yard line but it could have been alot closer than that. I'm just guessing.

At the end of the challenge, after all the points had been added up from each challenge, we had two ties. One tie for third and fourth between Ant and I (which we dubbed Battle of Club Grand) and the other tie for first place between Rudy and Jantz. Bing offered up quite possibly the most genius idea that man challenge has had up to this point.

The tie breaker would be decided by Oklahomas.

For those of you unfamiliar with this term, let me explain. Oklahomas are a drill run routinely on every practice football field from San Francisco to New York City. Two men lay on the ground head to head with one holding a football. On the whistle the two men spring to action with the goal of the ball carrier breaking past the defender to cross a line ten yards away. The defender's goal is to (pardon me mother) knock the shit out of the ball carrier. An unsuccessful try means the ball is passed to the other until a goal is scored at which point in time the loser has the chance to score to tie it back up. It is a quintessential man challenge. Ant and I ran at each other 14 times I think? before Ant finally pulled a sweet move on me and broke the goal line and then stopped my rebuttal by knocking me down and causing a fumble. Jantz and Rudy also had a similiar confrontation, running into each other 14 times as well until Rudy finally just bulldozed over a much lighter Jantz. I'll just say shoe string tackle by Jantz and leave it at that because that will bring a smile to the faces of those of us involved, which was probably the highlight of the Oklahomas. Rudy ended up with the top spot, which was huge because that was his first first place finish in SOM. Ant wrapped up third and ironically enough Bing, Mr. Football-the man who came up with the OK idea and was the most stoked about it, didn't get to participate in one Oklahoma and ended up in last place. An odd detail to say the least. For some reason I didn't realize this that day. The early start maybe making me a bit fuzzy. So to break it all down....

Field Goal Kick

1st Jantz 6 pts

2nd Zach 5 pts

3rd Rudy 4 pts

4th Ant 3 pts

5th Bing 2 pts

Punt

1st Jantz 6 pts

2nd Bing 5 pts

3rd Rudy 4 pts

4th Zach 3 pts

5th Ant 2 pts

Pass

1st Rudy 6 pts

2nd Bing 5 pts

3rd Ant 4 pts

4th Jantz 3 pts

5th Zach 2 pts

Passing Accuracy

1st Ant 6 pts

2nd Zach 5 pts

3rd Rudy 4 pts

4th Jantz 3 pts

5th Bing 2 pts

tie breaker sant zach third and fourth in football

jantz and rudy first and second in football

Final results for the Football Challenge

1st Rudy 18

2nd Jantz 18

3rd Ant 15

4th Zach 15

5th Bing 14

Even the Mexican in Rudy couldn't save the Soccer Challenge

Soccer was an interesting challenge to say the least. Landon Donovan we are not. Nothing highlighted this glaring discrepancy more than the precision shooting challenge. After yours truly owned, hitting both goal posts and the cross bar waaaaaaaay before any of the other challengers, the remaining four men failed to draw iron time and time again. After an embarassing amount of attempts (basically we stood 15 yards away from the goal and aimed at each post, each man getting three tries each round) they decided to step back another 30 yards or so and just shoot at the goal. This also proved way too hard. So they stepped up 10 yards and again...too hard. Finally after getting within 15 yards or so, they finally began scoring goals. It was not pretty. The scores...

Precision Shooting

1st Zach 6 pts

2nd Jantz 5 pts

3rd Bing 4 pts

4th Rudy 3 pts

5th Ant 2 pts

Our first challenge though going into the soccer part of the day was juggling. Jantz barely eeked out a one point win, though if I remember correctly 14 was the magic number. I think I hit 2 or 3. Pretty pitiful.

Juggling

1st Jantz 6 pts

2nd Bing 5 pts

3rd Ant 4 pts

4th Rudy 3 pts

5th Zach 2 pts

For the goalie portion of the contest, each man had to defend the goal as the rest of the men lined up and shot penalty kicks at them. Jantz proved to be a wall, blocking the most shots with his long spindly arms.

Soccer Goalie

1st Jantz 6 pts

2nd Ant 5 pts

3rd Zach 4 pts

4th Bing 3 pts

5th Rudy 2 pts

For the last part of the soccer challenge we constructed an obstacle course with our shoes that we dribbled the ball between and then raced back and made a shot on goal. The fastest time wins. Bing proved the quickest.

Time Trial

1st Bing 6 pts

2nd Ant 5 pts

3rd Jantz 4 pts

4th Zach 3 pts

5th Rudy 2 pts

Final results for the Soccer Challenge

1st Jantz 21

2nd Bing 18

3rd Ant 16

4th Zach 15

5th Rudy 10

For pics on the day check out the link below:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=212312&id=585605451&op=12

Calendar of Events UPDATED

A few changes to the Man Calendar were made this morning during Man Breakfast at PB's top notch diner, the Eggery. In addition to these changes, plans were also discussed about adding another round of golf to the calendar as well as the possibility of including an IQ Test to the list of challenges. Grab your pencils and save these dates...or do as Pete does and make plans and then totally ignore them until the day before and then realize you are an idiot for not taking care of business and proclaim that everyone is out to get you.

June 27th will no longer be Bar Golf. It has been changed to Arcade Night at Dave and Buster's. It will be a night event starting at 7ish.

July 11th will now be Bar Golf starting at 3 pm at either Bingaman's or Club Grand for the front nine and then Longboards for the start of back nine.

July 18th will now be Beach Olympics (horseshoes, cornhole, bocci ball) at 3 pm in PB and Beer Olympics (beer pong, flip cup and beer chug) at 8 pm

July 21st will no longer be Laser Tag and a Jalepeno Eating Contest. It has been changed to HR Derby starting at 11 am at the ballpark in Old Town

July 25th as of now is the Medley of Events and Century Club...our last challenge...but plans to add an additional round of golf here is being discussed. If that were to happen, we would push back the last event to Sunday August 1st.

For those of you that are interested in cheering on the Man Challengers, the remaining events offer up the perfect opportunity to join in the fun. Bar Golf is open to all that would like dress the part of a professional golfer and crawl your way through the PB bar circuit. Also the weekend after that--Beach Olympics--will be an all day beach day where you can come and play around on the shoes, bocci balls or just lay out and get your tan on. I would start requesting every Sunday off in July now if I were you.

As of now we have 18 events left which means that in just short of 3 months we have completed an amazing 32 events. It has been quite the summer so far. I look forward to the final push of events and crowning the first ever Man of the Year 2010!

Events We've Missed

So far we've pushed back only three events that I can think of.

Home Run Derby was postponed.

A Game of Risk was postponed.

Arcade Night was postponed.

I think we decided to cancel Risk (not manly enough) and decided to add an IQ Test (infinitely more shit talking possibilities wrapped up in this one).

We've also decided to scrap Laser Tag, given the impossible nature of scoring it against each other, and the Jalepeno Eating Contest, which was funny in theory, but downright detestable in reality.

This means we need to find room in our schedules for a night at the Arcade and a day at the ballpark for the Derby. The IQ test should be an easy one to plug in somewhere. Check out the schedule and let me know your availability in August.

Updating the Man Blog After Long Last

Meanwhile back at the ranch....

When we parted last Summer Of Man was in full swing. Five men were recovering from what turned out to be an epic 18 point night. And then all hell broke loose. Ant got engaged. Summer semi arrived and with it the arch nemesis of yours truly--day drinking.

Day drinking is an elusive art form. It takes perseverance, a lack of common sense and a strong liver. Oh and lots of Advil. San Diego, with its beaches and bars, could be considered the mecca of day drinking. Its easier to get a buzz than a job in San Diego right now. And summer hasn't even fully arrived yet. Mix in a couple weekends of graduations, birthdays and cruises and what you've got is a lack of man blogs.

Although the blog may have been slacking, the man challenge has remained in full effect. Up to a point. Summer of Man is alot like a baseball season. You have the electricity of opening day with all the fireworks and anticipation of a great season. But naturally when it comes to a 162 game season, a lull will set in and the doldrums of a lazy June and July have ruined teams in the past. SOM is a marathon and not a sprint. Tell that to the Frosted Flake aka Pistol Pete. The Pistol started out like a hot prospect, winning challenge after challenge. But the hot streak soon cooled and like a pitcher that threw too many innings in the minor leagues, he flamed out just as quickly. After missing the 18 point night, the Frosted Flake began a downward slide into oblivion and now finds himself looking up out of a 30 point hole. I'll bet the farm that when the man challenge mug is printed up at the end of the summer the inscription will not read Pete Lemke. A marathon, not a sprint.

Which brings us to the Darkhorse. Ant was always looked upon as the wild card, thus the nickname that I attached to him in the beginning of the challenge. He was the great unknown and in recent weeks as grown into his role as the unassuming and ever competitive Darkhorse. He pulled out a heady and impressive double win on Memorial Weekend, winning SOM 13-Car Push by pushing a Jetta roughly 30 yards uphill in just over 21 seconds and SOM 14-Hot Dog Eating Contest by eating 7 hotdogs in 7 minutes. He then went on in the next week and won his third in row--the TRIPLE CROWN--by taking SOM 15-Track Day, finishing first in the 40 yard dash, second in the 100 and third in the mile. Unfortunately drinking games seem to be his kryptonite and the Horse fell to fourth place recently in SOM 16-Beer Golf and finds himself still settled into the middle of the pack at 3rd place.

The other story line is the emergence of the Binghorse and the stranglehold that the Machine has on first place. Jantz has played the game brilliantly and has been in first place off and on since his dramatic win on the Kart Course back in SOM 5. But Bing's strong events are coming up and if he's sniffing first place (which he is, currently one back of Jantz in second) going into his events, we could see Bing at the top of the pack for quite some time...maybe even all the way to the end. Where Samson's strength was in his long hair, Bing's strength is in his liver. Or maybe more importantly in his throat. All gay jokes aside, the man can pound a beer better than 90% of people out there. Given his size he also has the ability to put down more liquour than his competitors, which puts him at an extreme advantage when it comes to challenges that involve the boozie. Take a look at the upcoming schedule of man events and you can see how this is playing right into Bing's strengths. Minus Beer Golf (which he over indulged on and ended giving it away) Bing looks to be the favorite in Bar Golf, Beer Pong, Flip Cup, Beer Chug and Century Club. The Darkhorse is allergic to booze, Jantz is built like a Swedish female runway model, the Flake has the tolerance of a 12 year old girl, which leaves Rude and myself as Bing's strongest competition. Rudy has yet to command an event and head to head, Bing can chug a beer like Bolt can run the 100. Hopefully Beer Golf was an indication of what's to come (details of that competition to follow).

So what have we covered so far? The Darkhorse is streaking but still in the middle of the pack, Bingawoman is looking to make some moves, Jantz can't push a car, but remains at the top with strong performances otherwise, Z$ is going to be the eventual Man of the Year 2010, and Peter's new nickname is the Frosted Flake. Which leaves us with Rudy. Rudy needs to do three things. One: realize we have a man calendar and Two: Read it. Third: Call me on the day of to nail down specifics. If he can successfully maneuver those two things, the sky is the limit for him. If not 34 points is a more likely limit.

Here are my thoughts so far and my predictions.

One: Peter is done. The man organizes his life like a bum organizes his shopping cart. It may look like he's got it all together to him, but to the rest of us it still resembles a pile of shit. All joking aside, the Pistol is a busy man and the man challenge proved in the end to be too much of a challenge for him. I'm predicting less than three more appearances this summer and a last place finish.

Two: Jantz is going to falter. The Machine is headed for a breakdown and one that will have a Frosted Flake tint to it. Jantz has added to his already full plate the Fire Academy. This is going to cut into this vital practice time, which he thrives on. What is Jantz going to do when he can't hit the pool this week and bang out a couple laps in preperation for the Swimming Relay? I predict a 4th place finish by the Machine.

Three: Rudy is going to make a late push. Fact...Rudy is done with school. Fact...Rudy no longer has his old job. These two things kept Rudy from making a large number of events. Take those away and the Rude is set to sway some competitions his way. Unfortunately for him, the push will come too late and the hole he has dug himself into will prove to be too deep. I predict a 5th place finish.

Four: DJ Darkhorse is a competitor, through and through. Don't question his age, his desire, his preperation, his size, his mind games. He has come to play. As exhibited on Memorial Weekend, he will beat you through sheer will power (Bing outweighed him by 20 lbs and he still pushed a car uphill faster) and he will beat you mentally (he had us all believing he was forfeiting the hot dog eating competition). He never misses a challenge, which with this group goes a long way. He's generally the first one to arrive and hands down is the first to text "so what's the plans" when a challenge day comes. An all around competitor. Unfortunately for him, we have drinking games on the horizon and the Horse doesn't like the bottle. I predict a 3rd place finish.

Five: Which Bing will show up for the rest of the summer? There are two Bingamans if you don't know. There is sober Bingaman and then there is drunk Bingaman. Sober Bing brings wine and cheese to your dinner party and makes polite conversation with your mom. Drunk Bing brings a box of Franzia, eats a whole roasted pig with his bare hands and leaves with your sister possibly pregnant. Sober Bingaman can win this thing. Drunk Bingaman has a better chance of getting his job back at PF Changs than he does of winning. I have continually tried to get Bingaman drunk for man challenges for this specific reason. Bowling was lost, the Car Push was lost, the Hot Dog Eating and Beer Golf was lost all in part because Bing got a little more drunk than he wanted. Now the perfect opportunity comes in that our drinking competitions are coming up and my only hope is that Drunk Bing passes out early and often. If Drunk Bing gets kicked out of the bars early during Bar Golf, gets so hammered he sees double for the beer pong tourney and throws up all over himself during the Century Club, I have a chance to win this thing. I predict a 2nd place finish.

Six: Which leaves me, zVirus. Once left for dead, the eldest competitor is standing strong. Notching a couple wins here and there, I've placed myself in prime position to make a strong push to the end. Out of all the competitors I am the most balanced. I have the skill to win the Home Run Derby, the mind to take the IQ contest and the drinking ability to hang with the best (Bing). My schedule is as wide open as your mother and I've got stamina for days. I will not miss another challenge, I've got more strategy than A-Rod facing a pee test and most of all I can't face losing a competition I invented. I predict a 1ST PLACE FINISH.

In the blogs to follow, I will lay out the details of the missing events, starting with the Football and Soccer Challenges and ending with the round of Beer Golf we just finished (and that I'm still recovering from). As of now, we've hit the 30 event mark. With 20 to go the scoreboard is as follows:

Bing 70

Jantz 69

Ant 67

Zach 65

Rudy 35

Peter 34

Long time no read

Things have been hectic lately to say the least.

The Darkhorse got engaged.

Drinking on a boat followed.

We ate massive amounts of hot dogs.

Drinking in an alley followed.

Bingawoman turned 24.

Drinking on a boat once again followed.

Safe to say with the massive amount of hours spent drinking lately an even massiver amount of hours have been spent hungover doing absolutely nothing. (sorry, i would have used a better word than "massiver"--which probably isn't even a word--but i drank away any knowledge i had of vocab words bigger than "shots"). Writing involves creativity, focus and patience, all things that are physically impossible with a blinding headache caused by a session in front of a bottle of Skyy. I'd rather swallow burning glass than stare at a bright screen typing witticisms about the man challenge. Which is why this has been one of three blogs uploaded in the past three weeks.

One of those posts was from the Darkhorse and lets just say what a brilliant post it was. Brilliant for one reason and one reason only. The Darkhorse has a logo. A brand. His very own Nike Swoosh.

We have created a Monster. And I love it.

The Darkhorse is on a heater that can only be compared to Charlie Babbitt's run in Vegas. Got engaged, won three events in a row, got branded. He's like the anti-Peter right now.

Tomorrow is a big day. The pack has seperated a bit. With Pete falling behind like retarded kid in eighth grade math and Rudy continuing on his streak of fifth place finishes, four challengers have pulled away. The top four are only seperated by a mere 3 points. The Bing sits atop the polls with 60, with the Machine and the Horse close behind at 59 and Z$ at 57.

to be continued....

Darkhorse Wins The Triple Crown

With SOM fully underway, the mysterious Darkhorse is quickly emerging as an all out favorite after winning the first ever Man Challenge Triple Crown - Car Push, Hot Dog Eating Contest, & Track Day. The Horse will go for history this Wednesday, June 9th trying to earn himself the first ever back to back to back to back wins...that's 4 backs in case you lost count. This feat has yet to be accomplished by any man in the history of SOM.

"I wish the best of luck to all my competitors. As one of the wiser elders of the group, I've learned that actions speak louder than words. These Pony's have a few years left before they reach their full stride and can run with the Stallions such as myself," says Triple Crown Winner DJ Darkhorse. "My prayer is that these young pony's will one day look back on the SOM 2010 and remember the one true great competitor named "Darkhorse" when they think of what its like to be a man."

DJ Darkhorse looks to continue his winning streak at the Chili Cookoff next Wednesday at Club Grand. With a perfect record at every publicized event, the Horse is looking to carry his winning momentum into the next challenge and hopefully earn himself a place in the history books.

"Chili is not so much food as a state of mind. Addictions to it are formed early in life and the victims never recover. After Wednesday's competition, my name will be etched in the minds of every competitor and more importantly the SOM Record Book...Mark My Words!"