definition: the best possible way to play a round of golf.
Some people have different versions of one of the greatest drinking games of all time. This is ours.
Four men play 18 holes of golf. On every hole each man has the opportunity to shave strokes off his score. Each beer consumed is equal to one stroke off that hole. The beer has to be finished before the ball hits the bottom of the cup. At the end of the game, like any game of golf, the man with the lowest score wins.
The idea, as with all drinking games, is how well one can operate under various levels of intoxication. The better one's tolerance generally the better one is at drinking games. And what better defines a man than beating other men at a game and doing it more shit faced.
Looking back on it now, I can only say that at least we intended on being responsible. Ant only brought four beers (four!) thinking that was the best plan. I thought one beer per two holes (nine all together) was a good idea. Jantz had similiar thoughts. Bing wasn't even going to drink, given the fact that he had a closing shift to work that night after the game. This means that our intended goal for total beers imbibed by nine holes would be four and a half beers each for Jantz and I and two for Ant.
By hole three we had already hit that mark.
We hit up the beer cart girl between hole 4 and 5 because we knew we would run out of beer by hole 9. We brought a twelve pack each. At hole 6 Bing had decided that he was not going to be showing up for work that night (or ever again it turned out). With the amount of beer Bing drinks himself we knew that our already dwindling supply would not even make it to hole 9. After 9 holes the situation looked like this:
Jantz 30 with 6 beers to the dome
Bing 37 with 10 beers
Z$ 40 with 7 beers
Ant 45 with 9 beers
Yeah we were done.
With all of our beer gone, a decision had to be made. Who was making the beer run? Jantz and Bing stepped up and set off on the mile jog back to the clubhouse where hopefully they could find some libations. Ant and I settled into a bench that overlooked the beautiful Tecolate Canyon course and watched as the sun crept closer to the horizon. We had started play during twilight hours thinking that we would have no problem finishing before sundown (a full 5 hourse of play time). 32 beers later we found ourselves at the four hour mark and only 9 holes deep. If we were going to finish, our rate of play would have to increase dramatically. It would not.
Bing and Jantz made an epic return...riding on the back of a golf cart that they had tried to steal and when caught, then convinced a clubhouse attendant to drive them back to hole 9 for two beers (he turned down money in place of beer). On their return we celebrated by shotgunning a beer...naturally. Oddly enough our level of play went waaaaaay down from their. All except the Machine, who amazed us all by playing the game of his life totally and 100% shitfaced. He was basically the Tiger Woods of beer golf.
The sun let us down and hid behind the horizon right around hole 13. At hole 14 it became near impossible to play. As you can imagine, this didn't stop four drunk a holes from trying. In 9 holes Bingaman put down 10 beers. From hole 10 to 14, he had 9!!! Its safe to say this was his undoing. Ant shot 36 on the five holes after 9 before the sun went down and was safely tucked into butt naked last place. He also had to suffer the humiliation of not driving his tee shot past the ladies tee on hole 11 and playing out the rest of the hole with his pants around his ankles. Something that Bingaman also had the pleasure of enduring. Jantz Mickleson stayed strong and won with ease. Which left the Binghorse and the Zhorse to duke it out for second place. Unfortunately for Bing, the lights were on but nobody was home at this point. We decided that playing in the dark wasn't getting us anywhere so we skipped 15 through 17 and went directly to 18 for a playoff. In complete darkness we teed off (Bing actually tee'd off a beer can and almost fell over while placing his ball on top...he remembers none of this). Anti climatically we lost our balls. With no other option, we moved to the putting green and pitch and putted for the tie breaker. Bing sent his ball flying down an asphalt trail and I two putted for second place and that was how the greatest game of golf ever played went down.
In the end the stats looked like this:
Jantz 50 for 14 holes and 10 beers (alot for the lightweight)
Zach 59 and 13 beers
Bing 60 and 19 beers
Ant 81 and 11 beers
This would be the first of many drinking challenges that we had unwittingly saved for the final month of competition. These drinking games would prove to be the undoing of the Darkhorse and played a integral part in the rise to power and eventual win of the Binghorse.
next up on Summer of Man, we burn all the beer calories off by pushing, pulling and sitting our way to a win....
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